»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
The Rose ((Repost from Corner Pub))
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
The Rose ((Repost from Corner Pub)) |
|
|
Broken_Winged_Angel Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994Small Town, Somewhere 
|
Sparkling in the morning dew Each drop a diamond so true Perhaps a tear fallen from above Shed by angels filled with love Velvetly petals glowing with red Reaching to unfold in the day ahead Elusive frangrances drifting with wind Reminders of all the places you've been Perched on a stem filled with thorns Growing from the ground so worn If in this harsh world it can survive Take from the rose, a lesson in life. < !signature--> With a little piece of tomorrow, You'll have to kiss yesterday goodbye. Because today won't last forever, And the past will only make you cry. [This message has been edited by Broken_Winged_Angel (edited 10-30-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Angel - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Broken_Winged_Angel Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 994Small Town, Somewhere |
Any suggestions to make this flow smoother? I think thats what I'm looking for.. I'm just not happy with the way it is right now... The pictures are fine, I think...but it still just doesn't seem right to me... Help?  |
||
|
Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Nicole Hi and welcome to CA. You ask about flow. "Flow" is a somewhat vague term, but i think i know what you mean. Does the poem read right? Not too badly actually in my opinion though there are a few places where the meter could be "smoothed" to make the reading easier. To be honest I'm a bit reluctant to embark upon a lecture on meter and stress patterns because you'll get much better advice by reading The Sounds of Poetry : A Brief Guide by Robert Pinsky Farrar Straus Giroux Paperback it's a small volume and well worth the effort of an afternoons read! The other reason i don't want to get into the technical stuff here is that quite honestly this poem has IMHO other flaws which far outweigh the deficiencies in meter etc. Because of what you've said in your note above I'm a bit reluctant to start on a negative critique. If you prefer, I'll mail you, or then again you may not be interested in my opinion at all...lol... anyway whatever, let me know if you want me to comment further. Oh, and get Pinskys book!  .Philip |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
