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Libbi
Junior Member

since 2000-09-24

Posts 18

0 posted 2000-10-26 07:05 AM

Hello all. I haven't been here for ages (school crisis), and i can't wait to read everyones new poetry! This is a shakespean sonnet (as if you all wouldn't realise that). It was written by a close friend of mine, who asked me to post it here. I told him you would pick at the meter, but he seems to want your advice. I know how talented, and helpful you all are, so thanks for taking the time to read!

The rain gently eased me from my slumber Dear heart;
Prodding me awake with its pitter-patter-a cascading cacophony
Of surreal whispering wonder, bringing with it thoughts of you. I'm
Always awed by the sheer pleasure you derive from the feeling
Of raindrops smashing softly onto your upturned face-I'm afraid
It's an ecstacy i can not fathom. IN my minds-eye, I can
Picture you dancing delightedly amongst the droplets, joy flowing
From you as you revel in this gift from heaven.

If i was omnipotent, and had the power to mould and alter
The universe of some crazed gods design, I'd strach forth my
Hand to rip the heavens asunder: open wide the resviour so
That it would rain until the end of time.

But i am not omnipotent, and although i try every day to make you
Happy i will strian, i can't...But i can always pray for rain.

thanks for reading!

Elyse
Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC

1 posted 2000-10-26 06:24 PM

darling, i hate to be the one to say it, but this is not a sonnet, shakespearean or otherwise. there isnt any end rhyme at all, or is there a regular meter. these are kinda important components of the sonnet. but it does have 14 lines, and that's right for a sonnet, so good job on that. i hesitate to go further considering the magnitude of that boo boo. hope you understand!
luv Elyse

Poertree
Senior Member

since 1999-11-05

Posts 1359
UK

2 posted 2000-10-28 09:48 AM

libbi

elyse is right and wrong IMHO

it is a sonnet, but no way is it what we call a Shakespearean sonnet. in my book "a sonnet" has fourteen lines and that's about all it needs to qualify these days. But elyse is also right about the meter which is choppy to say the least, and also, and annoyingly, the piece is littered with elementary spelling errors. a good start would be for your friend to get a wp with a spellchecker

philip

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