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Excoriation
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Excoriation |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704
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‘All right. Mire me.’ The voice you hear…whispers whispers don’t let out those pathological determinants for all the good it would do …they’ve moulded you and who’d you be without that chance-drawn subjugation? It was only a fortune of birth. …go… It’s a limerick, a nonsensical slant a murky cut of world view take it out shake the crisis forms neatly around the clash for release but safety is the slit you hide in. pale skin untouched under lamplight that’s pristine but maybe below the purity lurks a dirty, dirty child hand in mouth shuddered eyes, absorbing violation. And did you ever ………move? You never stepped past the ugly perspective. ‘All right. Mire me.’ Oh you’re safe here. In the dark light. But how you crave and how you crave excoriation. [This message has been edited by Severn (edited 10-21-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Kamla Mahony - All Rights Reserved | |||
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monique Member
since 2000-02-03
Posts 369Louisiana |
Is it normal to like a poem so much Like it hits a string in my heart But not in my understanding |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
hi Lady K i'm now out of time to look at this in any detail - i did like it though despite the rather gloomy abuse theme - which, yes, i did pick up first time round. also the irony in: "It was only a fortune of birth." caught my attention ...nice touch.. later LK SP |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
I enjoyed this, though I did have to read it more than once, and had to drag out the dictionary to look up "excoriation". This is one of those abstract poems where the reader often determines the meaning through his/her individual understanding. What I got out of it was not to deny ill-born, intrinsic characteristics, don't bury them (mire). Environmental factors, like something that happened during childhood, could have influenced them, perhaps even starting the pathological process. They could even have halted them at the stage of emotional development when these factors occurred. The second stanza puzzles me, except for the last line, but I think it's saying the person's perspective is shaped by the pathology, and he/she should release it. Instead, the safe path (hiding from it)is chosen. The final stanza tells of the person hiding from him/herself, and yearning for either exposure of the true self, or a denunciation of the factors that had formed the self. Am I even close to what you intended as the meaning? Than you for giving my brain quite a work-out. Good poem. mia |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
SB, this is a powerfull poem dear. ‘All right. Mire me.’ ( Is this the speaker, or the one spoken of?) Maybe I am wrong, but those first two lines tell me there are 2 here, the speaker and the one spoken of.... Loved the lines ...."It was only a fortune of birth" " safety is the slit you hide in" "And did you ever ………move?" these one word lines stepping down like that gave me the impression that he speaker is mad, or angry or disappointed. But how you crave and how you crave excoriation. Loved the repetition here K Like I said a powerful poem my Dear Maree "If my words could blanket the skies and fill every corner and crevice of this earth, still this won't be enough" "Maree Russo" |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Ok LK I'll give it a shot though this is not the easiest piece you've posted, nor I regret to say my favourite by any means. For a start your style of poetry (and this is similar to your usual style) relies to a large degree I think on "music" and form for its effect. This for me doesn't have quite your usual music, it doesn't sing to me. I'm sure this is at least partly due to the subject matter which isn't exactly beautiful, but nevertheless phrases like "pathological determinants" came off as decidedly clunky. I think what's happening here is that you've taken a style of writing which is akin to your usual but both the subject matter and the phraseology seem to me not to fit well with that style. Possibly it's just me in that my expectations are to rigidly circumscribed by what has gone before. Anyway I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that maybe this would work better in a more straightforward format. The italicised bits for instance - are they really necessary? On the plus side there were some excellent lines and ideas, but again you are perhaps treading quite a well worn path and if you're gonna do that then you desperately need to pull off a new angle. This is about child abuse, no? I picked that much up! Then, as you know, I was a little hazy as to what was happening in the second stanza, though I see Mia is pretty much on the ball. Basically thought the theme of the poem is something along the lines: "I was an abused child, and that abuse has subsequently shaped my adult behaviour, I feel safe in the "dark light" but deep down I crave a stripping away of what has gone before" . This is all fine, but hardly that new, i suppose i was looking for something a bit different. The skin imagery worked well I think and added an interesting slant though. Poems about this sort of thing can often fall into the trap of trying to rely on the shock value of the very subject (rather than the expertise of the writing in itself) to try and grab the reader's attention. I don't think you've done that at all, in fact in some respects maybe the reverse, perhaps part of the problem here is that the subject is very shocking, but it kind of gets lost in the language and the distractions of the form. Maybe you weren't shooting for a more direct approach, but I really believe that in this case it might work better. Dunno whether all the above rambling really amounts to much. Summed up in: some good individual lines but overall effect (given the theme) insufficiently compelling. there you go LK .. SP in ogre mode!  [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 10-24-2000).] |
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