the poet's tears---revised. . .

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Critical Analysis #1

the poet's tears---revised. . .

Sven

Member Laureate

since 1999-11-23

Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA

0 posted 2000-10-19 10:57 PM

by moonlight and by lamplight
the poet writes his words
they are said to be by many
the sweetest ever heard
but no one knows his pain
the longing that's within
all they see is the love
when now his tale begins

he spins tales of Romance
and makes his readers swoon
he shows to them the stars
and takes them to the moon
but his heart is empty
no lover fills his soul
it seems there is no one
to fill that gaping hole

and when his rhyme is done
he's touched by their applause
it warms him for a moment
that they have taken pause
but they know not the lonliness
that lies beneath the verse
all they see is the love
they suffer not his curse

he knows little of love
his heart knows more of pain
but every time his heart breaks
he gets back up again
singing his song of love
in hopes that she will hear
the one who will caress his heart
and hold it oh so dear

and so to all who hear
he sings of love once more
waiting and hoping for that one
who will open his heart's door
they see his tears of longing
the truest they have heard
for his tears are not of water
this poet's tears are words

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That which gives light must endure burning
--Victor Frankl

monique
Member

since 2000-02-03

Posts 369
Louisiana

1 posted 2000-10-24 06:26 PM

I don't mean to be mean
I like the revision
But the word tale twice just reminds me of the teacher telling us not to do it twice
i know there can be exception

How about
'when now his story or drama begins'
or if you like it the way you wrote it
then let it be and i will shut up

'he spins tales of Romance'

who am i to say anything when i really can't comprehend that good but the tale thing just got me puzzle and i don't want to overkill it because i love the poet's tears. You are a great poet and i feel like a fly, if the poem would be in another forum i probably would not have said anything but just enjoy the poem without complaining.
I would like to see the poem in open poetry
where it will be loved by many readers

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