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Critical Analysis #1
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In My Father's House
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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In My Father's House |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Her mind is firmly planted in the way things used to be. No microwaves, no percolators, no answering machines; it had taken numerous entreaties to convince her that central air and heating were necessary; He, was the other thing, she could never accept. When he was born she was the proudest person on the block. "This is my grandbaby!" she'd proudly tell anyone who showed the slightest interest, "the boy is going to be a Senator, a scientist; hell," she'd mutter under her breath, "this boy could be the next President of the United States of America!" Now she hugs him silently. Staring in a daze over his shoulder into a place only she sees, it is as if he was an alien and she, the visited. "Its this damn country!" she would hiss between clenched teeth, while rapping her cane stiffly on the old coffee table where a picture of my father skitters about, dangerously close to a fall; the old man, all six foot four of him would have died of embarrassment, had he lived. As a child I'd seen him routinely wrestle young bulls to the ground. He was the proverbial man's man. "Its too many damned sissies in this country!" It used to be my wife's family who caught the blame, but we'd fought each other over that one until she'd finally pointed her rage in another direction.. I excused myself from the room to go find Daryl right before she went to reeling off the names of all the sturdy 'Jessup' men who were never 'like that' The goodbyes are always painful, she hugs him as if she'll never see him again. After every requested attempt at a visit, he'd stay in his room for longer periods when we got home. His mom and I could only cry. We stay up nights wondering how we could protect him from the demons without, when we could not even protect him from those within. We wonder. |
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| © Copyright 2000 YeshuJah Malikk - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
YeshuJah: I enjoyed the narrative. I thought you did a fine job of putting faces to the very real tension between traditional morality and the direction the modern ethic has taken. To some small extent I can identify with the difficulty the parents in the story are experiencing (the analogy is not perfect but I would be a liar if I said I never asked the question "Why?" in regards to my son's disability). A couple of things: (1) the regular meter at the beginning of the poem (mostly iambic) is jarring to my ear. Considering that the rest of your poem is written as free-verse/prose, consider opening the poem in the same way. (2) Daryl's point-of-view is not addressed ... this may be outside of the scope of your story but I think his take on things may be deserving of some exploration. (3) I didn't like the ending. The finality and impotence of the phrase "We wonder" suggests to me that the parents don't really want to try to protect him. They seem absorbed in their own brooding. Even loving disapproval is better than what Daryl is left with here. Perhaps if it was made more clear in your story that Daryl's controversial behavior was a recent revelation, I would be more inclined to accept the parents' feelings of being overwhelmed. Just an opinion. But, overall, I liked the story. Thanks for the read. Jim |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Jim, first let me say that my heart goes out to you, or anyone else, who deals with this struggle. Perhaps a little hint: the story is about a gay son. I agree woth your comment regarding the first stanza. I'll seek to make this change. Daryl's point of view is intentionally not addressed. He is only brought into the picture to give a face to the object of the pain between the son and the intractable mother. I also do not like the ending, but I just didn't want to eloborate for fear of going on and on and on... I'm still thinking of how to put a close to this. Thank you for your useful crit, and thanks for reading. |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
yeshujah - you needent have given hints, you make yourself plain. i thought this was very sentitively told, but maybe i think, you tell too much in parts. lemme give you a for instance... would have died of embarrassment, had he lived. As a child I'd seen him routinely wrestle young bulls to the ground. He was the proverbial man's man. i think that the final line of the preceding stanza can stand alone. i mean, the use of the pronoun "he" throughout the poem makes it a bit of an effort to distinguish between the new he and the old one. also, this seems a bit of a hyperbolic occourance. i mean, i realize that it may happen, but the thought of wrestling bulls...i dunno just seems larger than life. and i dont think that's what you wanted. i like the simplicity of letting that line tell the whole story. and it lets people construct their own, as to why he would be embarrassed. also, think about taking out maybe a word or two here and there that arent strictly neccesary (im thinking the "while" before "rapping" etc.) its probably a personal preference, but i like poems to sound pared down a little. as always, feel free to ignore  luv Elyse |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
YeshuJah: I understood this poem to be about the difficulty Daryl's family had with his homosexuality. I suppose my point was that, more often than not, parents show a remarkable resilience when faced with a truth about their child that doesn't quite fit into hopes and expectations. I think this would be a more realistic portrayal of what would probably happen in a circumstance like the one you describe. You've set out to describe events and feelings that are incredibly complicated. One reason I am not so crazy about the ending is that it almost plays to stereotypes rather than attacking the complexities head-on. That is why I think you should more directly address the inner turmoil of the parents (rather than merely commenting on it) and follow this "sorting out the crisis" process of theirs. Even if it means lengthening the poem. As an aside, I appreciate the "heart going out to me" thing. My little boy is working harder than both of his parents combined and is showing wonderful progress as a result. Lastly, about the poem, keep in mind that these are only my opinions. I don't pretend to be any kind of expert on what makes a poem a good poem.  Later. Jim [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 10-18-2000).] |
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