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Critical Analysis #1
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moldie
New Member
since 2000-10-06
Posts 1


0 posted 2000-10-06 06:20 PM


It was worse when I was real young,
  like Yossarian I noticed millions of people
  wanting to kill me.
  Well, maybe it wasn't that bad
  but it wasn't at all fun
  and I took it personally.
I found a fig leaf covering to serve my purpouse.
  It isn't something I took lightly
  or even acknowledged
  sitting on the schoolbus in fifth grade
  wondering if that's what I was.
  And I know I sound corny.
But I cashed satan's check a long time ago.
Not to say that things are great now,
I'm still a leftist hating leftist - the queer product of resentment
  a glutton for ostracism, amoung other things.


© Copyright 2000 moldie - All Rights Reserved
jbouder
Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash
1 posted 2000-10-07 07:26 AM


moldie:

This is an different format from what I've seen recently.  I thought the poem was very conversational and, in my opinion, this lent strength to the weight of the subject matter.  I noticed a few typos ("amoung", for example) and some iffy grammar ("real young") but I can live with the latter, considering the conversational tone of this poem.

I liked the last two lines but found "I'm still a leftist hating leftist" a bit vague.  A leftist can be so many things that I found the label overly broad when I think you should have started zeroing in on the particular.  Just an opinion.

Welcome to CA.  I look forward to reading more of your work.  Feel free to read an comment on some other poems in this forum.  I'm sure the others would appreciate your feedback.  

Jim

Craig
Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 444

2 posted 2000-10-07 10:38 AM



I don’t have much criticism to offer I’m afraid, so instead I’ll just ramble on about my thoughts as I read this piece.

I liked the association with Yossarian, I thought it worked well at least for anyone who’s read the book.
I’m a little unsure as to the meaning of the poem, let me re-phrase that – I’m absolutely sure what I think it means but a little unsure about airing my view in case I’m as far off base as I usually am.
Is there any chance you can elaborate?
The overall inference of resentment and negativity from others may have thrown me way off the track that the fig leaf image took me down.

As for a title ‘Hell of a catch’ perhaps?

I’m with Jim on the spelling errors but disagree with the point about the vagueness of  the ‘leftist’ part, I thought it gave a pretty clear sense of differences that can be found within a group that supposedly marches under the same banner. This perceived schism highlighted, at least for me, how an individual could be both part of group but at the same time in conflict with some of the groups views or in fact ‘ostracised’ by others within that group for their differing views.

Thanks for the chance to read and reply

Craig


Yes, I admit your general rule. That every poet is a fool:
But I myself may serve to show it. That every fool is not a poet.


ma miller
Senior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 806

3 posted 2000-10-08 01:55 AM


moldie

this piece is much more conversational than is the norm (at least here at Passions), but it's not uncomfortable ... the piece does convey your sense of reflection and some remorse about your (supposed) past and maybe that's why it doesn't read like it comes straight from your heart ... more contrived than spontaneous ... also ...

the phrase:

"I'm still a leftist hating leftist", could use a bit of punctuation to help the meaning from being misconstrued, maybe:

"I'm still a leftist-hating leftist"

still a very interesting piece ...




[This message has been edited by MA Miller (edited 10-08-2000).]

Forrest Cain
Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306
Chas.,W.V. USA
4 posted 2000-10-12 12:18 PM


This was original and interesting. I liked
it from top to bottom except leftist hating
leftist. And I liked this in concept but not word.I considered alternatives as " liberal
hating liberrals" or "activist hating activist". Nice reead.

forrest  

Forrest Cain
Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306
Chas.,W.V. USA
5 posted 2000-10-12 12:18 PM


This was original and interesting. I liked
it from top to bottom except leftist hating
leftist. And I liked this in concept but not word.I considered alternatives as " liberal
hating liberrals" or "activist hating activist". Nice reead.

forrest  

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