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Critical Analysis #1
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A bit long...but let me know what you think
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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A bit long...but let me know what you think |
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shaddow New Member
since 2001-08-29
Posts 4TX |
Whatever happened to peace between men? Some would say it died a long time ago. But I don't know. One might argue that it never did live I mean you can search through time And it would seem that man never did give A damn about another man Especially a man from distant land A man of another color? We got brothers killing brothers Now how are we supposed to take the time to learn to love one another? Another man not of our flesh? Another man not of our blood? Another man not of our Race? Another man you expect me to love? Another man who don't where a hood? Another man who's not from the hood? Another man who's not as rich as me? Another man who don't serve the lord like me? Another man who don't play the games that I play? Another man who don't say the thing that I say? Another man who don't go the places I go? Another man who's not a cheat, a thief, a HO? Oh no oh no oh no, Not I, You got me bent I don’t play that game. Love one another, please. I mean whatever happened to peace between men anyway? Some would say it died a long time ago. But I don't know. One could argue that it simply decided to hide. Maybe it was too weak Maybe it never learned how to fight The good fight, Run the good race I mean how could it stand up against emotions like HATE? Ideas like IGNORANCE, or FEAR, or DECEIT, Or things like GREED, which perpetuates GRIEF. How could it survive in a world built on HYPOCRISY that stand behind banners of so called democracy. A world where love is wrapped up in LUST A world that's out to get you, where no one left trust. A world of DARKNESS A world of SPITE A world of EVIL Forever night A world consumed with foolish pride A world where Christ the Savior has died Killed by ritualistic religion And placed back into the grave Reduced to just a name we say, To claim that we are saved. It seems there's no way out of this wilderness No one to guide us through WHERE ARE ALL OUR LEADERS we were supposed to be able to look to you. What ever happened to peace between men anyway? Some would say it died a long time ago, But that's not true. This, yes this I know. You see we've been asking the wrong question. Peace between men is what God has provided. It was Concealed then Revealed in the times of Moses And it was Sealed and Full-filled By the blood of Jesus Christ. The peace between men is not in question. What ever happened to the peace within man? Now that's the question. That's what all this mess is really about. Somewhere along the line we decided we could just do without Each other, Without love for another Without caring for a brother Without prayer for a friend Without Christ living within Without trying to live a life lead by God Without the guidance of Christ were trying to making this way too hard Look we need to stop JUST saying the name We need to keep it real stop playing a game Its time to follow Christ and truly believe Then gift of peace within we could finally receive. Seek ye first the kingdom of the Lord Make him first in every thing you do If you just trust and never doubt what he said All good things will be added unto you. |
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| © Copyright 2001 Juneious A. Knotts III - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Shaddow, And welcome to Critical Analysis. We always enjoy have a new voice here. Check your email for a message. I don't think your poem is too long by definition. I do think it tries to cover too much ground, making it seem way too long. The repetition, although not word-for-word, is a bit too much. You really are making the same two or three statements over and over IMHO it would work better if you selected one or two basic points and expand on them rather than try to say so much. Also, I found the sporadic capitalization distracting. And the all capitalized words have to go. They honestly add nothing but red flags. If you want to emphasize a word, make it stand out on its own rather than use an artificial trick. Of course this is all just one personal opinion. Pete |
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arthur Senior Member
since 2001-08-14
Posts 678england |
dear shadow thank you for your poem it is a fair ? to ask what is the purpose of poetry each must answer for him /herself all answers are correct i beleieve that poetry exist to say something exact and profound in an accurate and simply manner i want you to undersatnd what i am saying therefore i must make it simple and exact Your poem makes a profound point but does it convey that point exactly and simply only you know that i enjoyed it and I learned from it thank you |
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shaddow New Member
since 2001-08-29
Posts 4TX |
Thank you for your comments so far. I agree with all of them. This poem is more of a performance poem than a print poem. Parts of it are actually sung. However, I wanted to see how it comes across in print. I tried to reflect the vocal changes in the capitalization, punctuation, etc. I too have to agree that capitalization does become distracting. Thank you again for your honest criticism. Keep it coming I can take it. |
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