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Simple Tinys
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Simple Tinys |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Simple tinys designed for a catcher's catching tiny by one in noise for many noisey in manys make houses in homes of renters paying angry too much to guest themselves to boxed cereal and toiletry eatings of simple tiny's garden of eden free buffet plate line feedings. Cheese trapped catchers with slammer L's to hug too snug and hold necks scared till a scamper away'ing life of little furry patter balls (and pitters hind walls and bove heads) snap a last tingle silent speech of my tongue hangs beneath black eyes. Our big stompers stomping across the tiling forth plotting like gods of the simple tinys then shaking down in a night rest for tomorrow properly making the bed spring rub groan lyings sounding as large as we are larger than the littles and rightful in our place as to be scared of caught in the catching what can be caught. All making life's music in born to know how chords all off slight at least by a key or two to at least the other's ear. Whether the catcher or the caught (and now I talk knows like I wear glasses for difference) it seems a far way off center of the fair and a'mittance to being smart enough for ignorance to silence the sing of anything caught or catching a tune of their own (it'd be action like fingering an end to O'd lips winding before a start could happen). |
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| © Copyright 2000 Trevor Davis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Okay Trevor, I'll go ahead and be first to bite. DUH, I give up. Pete |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
With word game poems it's often difficult to say how much is too much. You get a 10 for difficulty of the routine alone -- plus construction. I think this is good! |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Trevor, This makes absolutely no sense to me. This is merely my opinion, but this seems to me to be poetry written for the sake of strangeness alone. There was a time when such styles made a lasting impression (when experimentation in poetry was at a minimal). But now this seems common place. Judson Jerome wrote in his book "The Poet's Handbook" about sensationalism in poetry, and how the poetry of our culture is moving away from average readers. I think alot of poetry today is moving away from even readers who are poets. Maybe there is a beauty here that I cannot see. And indeed beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But if I had said "of the beholder eye in the beauty is" you would have said "What??!!". Some of your words here were attractive, they just had no order. And I guess the overall "dance" of things had a certain level of creativity but not enough to hold my attention. I think you could aim for a less nebulous result in your poetry. Just my opinion. |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hello, I guess I wanted a little change in my routine, most of my recent poems leaned more towards a minimalist feel and I found myself trying to chop away a lot of wording so I wanted to try and do the opposite. I guess I'll write it out in a more "normal" form and maybe whoever comments can place it against the backdrop and see if maybe it has a better feel to it... Little creatures (mice) created to be caught quiet and unnoticed in singles but noisey in groups live in houses of angry people who are upset that mice live there too and eat their food and paper products, etc. So they set up mouse traps baited with cheese that grab the mice by their necks until they die with empty eyes and a stuck out tongue So we walk around like we are Gods of the little creatures and make noise that probably sounds frightful to little creatures like when we are in bed having sex and its just our nature to be this way, because all things are just being themselves even though it may not seem like it because the uniqueness of each thing prevents us from fully understanding one another This applies to both the creature that is the hunter and the hunted (and maybe now I'm talking like I actually know something but...) it seems a bit unfair and admitting to ignorance to try and stop nature from being itself (it would be like stopping someone from whistling before you even heard their song) Well that's about the gist of what I was trying to say with that poem, guess I'm kinda bored with the same format and same poetic techniques and "normal" word use...both reading and writing them. Stephanos: First off, thank you for taking the time to express your opinion, I always try to remain open to what someone has to say. "This is merely my opinion, but this seems to me to be poetry written for the sake of strangeness alone." Yes it was written to be different than other people's poetry, that was partially my intention but shouldn't that be a good enough reason for writing. As writers shouldn't we continually explore new ways of expression instead of resting on our forefather's work? Should we strive for expansion of ideas or be caught up in repetition? "There was a time when such styles made a lasting impression (when experimentation in poetry was at a minimal). But now this seems common place." But isn't the common practise of experimentation in poetry a good thing? I mean it was experimentation that brought us all the current poetic forms and techniques that some writers get so frequently hung up on. "Judson Jerome wrote in his book "The Poet's Handbook" about sensationalism in poetry, and how the poetry of our culture is moving away from average readers. I think alot of poetry today is moving away from even readers who are poets." I agree with you that many poems are obscure and come off as sensationalistic, and this poem may in fact fall into those categories, however, I believe that sometimes one has to move away from the norm and the known and the common, to strive for new and interesting ground. "Maybe there is a beauty here that I cannot see." For me the act of "creating" or expression is the beauty, even the worse poem should at least have that as its blessing. "And indeed beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But if I had said "of the beholder eye in the beauty is" you would have said "What??!!"." Honestly I think I would have caught on. But shouldn't it read "On the beholder's eye, beauty is in" ?? ..because the way you worded it just made no sense  J/K To some extent I agree but if you were to have said, "beauty is in the eye of the beholder" in a poem I would have said, don't be so cliched. Little tweaks can often make reading similar things a little more interesting and can often portray the authors feelings more accurately. How should one express an emotion when there is yet a word written for it?I have the same problem that you have with my poem when I read non-linear-off tangent extreme poetry like, I eat broth when beaches make couches Why do tables talk when soccer balls are kicked? To me that makes no sense but sometimes I think poetry can be like abstract painting and although I'm not a huge fan of abstract I still respect its push towards "newness". "Some of your words here were attractive, they just had no order." I hope I'm not coming off as defensive and I will take into consideration your words when or if I revise this poem however I'd like to say that just because one does not percieve order does not mean order does not exist. "And I guess the overall "dance" of things had a certain level of creativity but not enough to hold my attention." Well sorry you were disappointed with the level of creativity, must've read like the same old same old... I guess it didn't have enough strangeness in it to hold your attention. J/k, Honestly I want to thank you for your honest evaluation of the poem, I think you made some good points about obsurity in poetry, I appreciate your comments.Take care, Trevor |
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Stephanos
since 2000-07-31
Posts 3618Statesboro, GA, USA |
Trevor, After what you said, at least your poem does make more sense to me now. And I certainly agree with your thought that we should be pushing boundaries. I guess I was just stating my first reaction which was kind of strong. Normally I wouldn't have shared it especially with you a poet I don't yet know in any way (except more now). It's just that since we are in Critical Analysis, I felt the liberty to do so. Please forgive if I sounded to harsh or whatever. Sometimes I enjoy the tension created between different viewpoints. I appreciate your response to me. yours in verses, not curses, Stephanos. |
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hi Stephanos, Please don't apologize for your response nor your opinion of my poem. I didn't find your critique harsh and yes since this is Critical Analysis I do want comments such as the ones you presented. I too like the discussion that come from different viewpoints. I find them very helpful and I often walk away a wiser person....due not only from the knowledge exchanged but also from the aftershocks of thought they often produce. Please, if you decide to comment on any poems of mine in the future, don't feel it necessary to pull any punches. I post at CA not only for the dry humor of Philip and Jim but also because I want and need for improvements sake, to hear honestly what people think of my writing. I was a bit worried that my response would come off as too defensive but I was sincere in my thanks for bringing to my attention the fact that perhaps the poem is a little too obscure. Anyways thanks again, Trevor |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
trev i've been kind of busy of late couldn't really get to this (or anything else for that matter), but just stopping by to say my mental jury is still out on this one - as you say it's rather different to your recent pieces, and for that reason i think kind of hard to handle. i think sometimes readers come to "expect" a certain style from someone and then tend to be cautious when that expectation isn't fulfilled - i know i'm like that anyway ...lol.... still what i wanted to say was simply how great it was to see a poet of your quality and experience (and i mean that very sincerely trevor) going to the trouble of paraphrasing and explaining in the way that you did - i think that doing that sort of thing helps us all to learn. great job trev. i'll try and get back on this later, i guess the jury just wants a few more nights in the luxury hotel ..  see ya P |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Trev, Now that I've read the replies, the poem's wonderful. Before I read the replies, I read the poem over and over...and was completely perplexed, although I suspected it was animals of some kind. Interesting experiment. Kris "Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." ~ Albert Einstein |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Trev, your discussion with Stephanos was a great example of the points you were making in the ALLEY.. anyhoo... In you response you wrote: I eat broth when beaches make couches Why do tables talk when soccer balls are kicked? To me that makes no sense but sometimes I think poetry can be like abstract painting and although I'm not a huge fan of abstract I still respect its push towards "newness". I was just thinking about sitting on the beach sipping a cup of soup or coffee, and the slamming of beer mugs in pubs across Europe when watching a soccer game on the telly.... Other than that I had no reason to reply to this, as I am still trying to decipher your poem... hehe  Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP "Everything is your own damn fault, if you are any good." E. Hemmingway |
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