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warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

0 posted 2000-09-12 01:36 PM

purchased for a steal at auction,
the light-refracting, faceted cobalt vase
holds the last roses of muggy dog-days.

petals poised in mid-bloom,
pale velvet cream streaked with soft burgundy,
their sweet perfume catches those who pass,
stopping them in their hurry to where ever,
drawing them closer, coaxing,
reminding them that time passes quickly.

an unseen hairline break in the solid glass of the fluted base
allows transitional life-giving fluid to escape,
one drop at a time,
forming a thin, slow-moving ribbon
that makes its way to the edge of the table,
breaking once more into single droplets,
falling at ever increasing speed
to the sea of the flowers demise.

unless, perhaps,
their fragrance can hold someone
just long enough to see or hear,
the drops hitting the fatal waters below.

that someone could fetch an unblemished container,
filling it with clean, fresh, tepid water
right to the brim.

Kris

< !signature-->

"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human
stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." ~
Albert Einstein

[This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 09-12-2000).]

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

1 posted 2000-09-17 03:03 AM

Of the recent stuff you've posted, I think this one is the best (and it's about flowers no less, shhhh, don't tell anyone I said I liked this one.)

particularly enjoyed this stanza:

an unseen hairline break in the solid glass of the fluted base
allows transitional life-giving fluid to escape,
one drop at a time,
forming a thin, slow-moving ribbon
that makes its way to the edge of the table,
breaking once more into single droplets,
falling at ever increasing speed
to the sea of the flowers demise.

Thanks,
Brad

Trevor
Senior Member

since 1999-08-12

Posts 700
Canada

2 posted 2000-09-20 03:29 AM

Hello Kris,

Gotta agree with Brad, liked it myself and thought the stanza he quoted and the first stanza were the strong sections of the poem (though thought "dog-days" was a little off).

Excellent idea behind the poem.

A line that I think perhaps could be looked at for revision:

"reminding them that time passes quickly."
..just thought this could be worded differently, didn't seem to fit.

Other than that I thought it a very strong and solid poem, enjoyed the read, thanks and take care,

Trevor

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

3 posted 2000-09-20 05:11 PM

Thanks to Trevor for bringing this one back (I guess I missed it the first time around). By golly, I do believe it really is about flowers. If you had some other meaning in there and this is really an extended metaphor, then I completely missed it in my stupor. But, if that is the case, then I still enjoyed the poem for what I got out of it.

As always, I got a vivid mental portrait. I could see and almost smell the vase and flowers, the table and the puddle of water. Favorite lines:

quote:
petals poised in mid-bloom,
pale velvet cream streaked with soft burgundy,

I almost agree with Trevor on the dog-days but you would probably lose some impact if your were to change it. Don't know the answer.

Thanks,
Pete

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