»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Time
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Time |
|
|
Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
it slips away a simple thing to sift a grain so fine it's satin dripping through fingers. it sticks in place like winter's dark molasses blood of Cuban cane fields seeping slowly from the jar. it is a measurement marking out moments but - tack the sun in place, crumple all the clocks, time still drips. It cannot stop. it does not care whether we percieve it ok, so i know its bad for me to post this when i havent been replying...but ive been having such issues with my computer...and ill stop making excuses now, but please dont hate me people!  |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Elyse Wilcock - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Hi Elyse, A difficulty with writing about the topic 'time' is that laments or descriptions of the passing of time are probably traditionally the most common material for poetry, after odes of love of course. Time 'does not care whether we perceive it', time 'slips away' etc - well, how many Elizebethan lyricists etc have already said exactly the same thing? I don't really know what to suggest - I think 'time' as an 'abstract' topic is problematic. Of course, just my two cents worth and all that... -Tim |
||
|
mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
ELYSE...hello...bonjour  have missed you...how tacky, first poem back, and you remind us we're all going to die LOL  ...it's sad but true, we can't stop time nevertheless I liked your poem welcome back elyse hope the computer booboo's are fixed lol your friend as aways debbie debbie Think of saying "I Love You" as always being overdue. Love is a gift, not an obligation. unknown |
||
|
Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Hi Elyse Didn’t like this quite as much as your Critters (do i lose best friend status!? ...lol), oh and btw how are you enjoying your new academic career? I sort of agree with Tim about the difficulty of writing about time, in the sense that its all been done before and probably much better than we could do it - though that didn’t stop me having a go, and i can’t see any harm in experimentation ... .I have more problems with the metaphor in the first stanza followed by what appears to be a somewhat disparate simile in the second. I don’t know whether it was intentional but first you say time slips away and then next its sticking in place and then its seeping away again. In point of fact this IMO is quite a good presentation of the occasionally subjective of time (how it can appear to speed up and slow down), but I’m not convinced you meant it like that? In any event, for once, i don’t feel your metaphor or the simile work particularly well in relation to time - that is not to say i don’t like the image of satin dripping through fingers (i do), but i just don’t see “time”. Similarly you then dive off to the Cuban cane fields in rather an abrupt way, and again, while the simile is interesting i have a hard time relating it to time. One final thing, the use of the word “grain” in relation to time inevitably brings the phrase “sands of time” straight to mind and that is not necessarily a good thing! In the final stanza i liked the idea of tacking the sun and “crumple the clocks” was a fine fine image ..... but i have difficulties with the message or philosophy or physics behind what you say. I don’t think time is a measurement so much as a dimension - and to view it as some kind of one directional progression is a bit simplistic i think, if you want to know where I’m coming from on this check out my attempt ..lol ...... :/pip/Forum12/HTML/000594.html The closure was especially weak i thought - its fairly self evident that time is inanimate, in which case it's equally so that it's not sentient; so to attribute the quality of thought to it out of the blue in the penultimate line seems both inappropriate and superfluous. I felt that you probably wrote this quite fast Elyse? There are flashes of your talent, but the piece as a whole comes over as hurried and rather ill thought out! Nevertheless it’s always a joy to check out your poems, and i do hope that computer is behaving itself now !!!  your friend (i hope!) philip |
||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Enjoyed your poem Elyse. Makes me think of time past and present and of course time in stasis i.e. the event horizon. Look forward to your next post. your biggest fan forrest |
||
|
Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi everyone! i feel it unnecessary tolaunch into another tirade about my computer ills. or how thespacebar on thisfreaking computer is giving me problems. i swear, people are looking at me funny, im having to beat the life out of the flippin thing to make a space!!! grrrrrr. anyway... Tim - do i revel myself to be poorly read? i seriously did not recognize such things as cliches (ok, well maybe slips away, and i knew people write lots about time, butstill ) thankyou for calling my attention to it debbie - alas, my computer continues to give me lip.  but, now that ive figured out how to post from a computer not my own (duh Elyse, its not that complicated) i should be around more philip - i am shocked, simply shocked to hear you think me so shallow! however, considering you did not give me aglowing review...i hate you and never want to speakto you again. harumph! that is, actually, what i had in mind, but its ok, i dont feel patronized by you at all. (jk, it really doesnt bother me) ay me, tis true, i wrote this between classes - after german and before speech. i was justsitting on a bench on our gorgeous campus and i thought...let me write a poem. so. anyway, college is very fun, and im not being too bad, so you'll all be excited. forrest - ah, how i have missed talking to my biggest fan its always nice to hearfrom you, seriously, but you oughtnt flatter me so. luv you all, the college-crazy Elyse FREEDOM!!!!!!!!! |
||
|
Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
~sigh~ so easily doth love transform to hate ..lol hey great to hear you're enjoying college elyse bfn p |
||
|
Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Elyse, Not much time right now and I see you have already been pretty well diagnosed anyway. But welcome back. It's good to hear from you again. BTW, for 10 bucks or so you can get a new keyboard. Unless, of course, you are working on a laptop. In that case you may be pretty much SHOL Well, hope you have a really outstanding year at school and keep writing. Pete |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Quickly, Philip, nice to see you tear into something. I think it's been a while since I've seen you do that. If you haven't noticed yet, I'm trying to be a bit more critical. That said, I like the similes in the second stanza, but I hate (not really hate, very much dislike)the theme and the satin reference. Why not give time a personality? What if he/she really did care but couldn't do anything about it or if he/she just got angry because nobody noticed all the hard work he was doing changing time all the time. I know five minute with my wife goes faster than five minutes with a student (unless she's wearing a short skirt, crossing her legs, and laughing at my jokes). Brad |
||
|
Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
sorry ivebeen a dork and didnt write back to this. hi pete! see, the problem is im using the computer lab for just right now,and the equipment is really torn up. thanx for the well wishes, and you know full well i couldnt stop writing if iwanted to brad- hi! yeah, that might be interesting too. but ishould know better than to do something on as played out a subject as this anyway, i have come to college and learnt how ignorant i am of so many things. silly me, while i was sitting out there i thought, hmm, i like this. and then went skipping off to see what y'all thought. illremember to edit maybe next time thankyou tho, for the comments. and i didntknow you taught! luv Elyse |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
