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Demons And Dragons
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Demons And Dragons |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Demons And Dragons Flames from dragons' breath have charred my soul And demons heaved from Hell consume my mind; You'll hear my final bell, its mournful toll, When I have fled this place, my peace to find. But dare not mourn that passing -- it is just -- Such penalty and pain are fairly earned By all who fail to keep that sacred trust, And sing the song of love as cheaply learned. No, do not weep for me when I am gone, Yet judge too harshly not, my indiscretion, And rage no more of manners better done; For all my faults no harm was my intention. But if you must, bemoan this truth, instead: There's no reprieve in life . . . My hopes are dead. Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
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| © Copyright 2000 Pete Rawlings - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Wesley the Blue Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 426Forest Lake, MN, USA |
I liked your poem lots, and truthfully wouldnt change a thing. The words created images and feelings that I could easily relate to. I could feel the despair and the hurt. Good work, I realy enjoyed it. |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Hi Pete, I think your poem is very good, now I am no expert on Rhythm and Rhyme heheh, just ask Philip, he will tell you. Anyway, I thought the Rhythm and Rhyme in your poem is very very good, it didn't give me any problem reading it and I flowed through it beautifully  Like I sid I am no expert, but it read very well to me I can't see that anything needs to be changed but thats my Op Enjoyed the read Pete, Thanks Maree |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Pete, ? Brad |
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Seoulman Junior Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 41 |
Hi Not a Poet, lots of nice individual lines here but put together what does it all mean. There seems to be no point, maybe you could explain because I can't see why Der Keit & Dark Angel are on about?? |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Sorry guys, I guess this one just has personal significance. As I read it now, trying to "not know its real meaning", I find that I would also be at a complete loss as to why it was written. With that understood, I also see, of course, that it isn't strong enough to stand on its rhyme and meter. Oh well, I liked it at the time. Will try again next time. Thanks, Pete |
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Novacaine For The Soul Member
since 2000-05-26
Posts 122New Orleans |
dear not a poet, it seemed to me as though you were making an appeal to someone to remember you once you have parted ways... it seems you dont wish to be remembered as the saint that you were not, nor for your moderation in sin but rather you want them to recall (grieve?) some harm done to you that you feel took away your joy... i may be way off, but i did find meaning in this, whether it be only for myself or what you (the author) intended... all-in-all, i liked this piece... sincerely, a sad tomato So let us melt, and make no noise, No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move. |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Novacaine, Thanks for your insight. You have hit pretty close. I won't go into any details but you only missed slightly on the harm done to me. What really happened was just a very serious misunderstanding. Thanks, I'm glad you enjoyed. Pete |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Pete: And here I thought the "demon" was a metaphor for our resident, mind-consuming Ogre and the fire-breathing dragon an reference to yours truly ... the Jabberwocky charrer of souls. I thought suggesting that the Ogre is "heaved from Hell" was a little harsh but I have heard that Hell does smell like kimchi.  Seriously, I think I understand where you are going with this poem and certainly cannot fault the technical construction of the poem (I dig the anacrucis at the beginning ... opening your mind a bit are you? ). I do think you were treading along the fine line of melodrama within the first quatrain and, as you well know, overstatement immediately puts the reader on guard and, if not handled carefully, could backfire.Some of your later lines were reminiscent of Shakespeare's sonnets but, because I haven't spent much time with the bard lately, I am not sure from which sonnet "Do not weep for me when I am gone" may be an allusion to. I do recall (I think) that the subject matter of that particular poem was death and this steered my initial understanding of the poem away from hurt feelings and toward death. Perhaps this was your intent? To imply a death of sorts resulting from separation from someone the narrator cares for? Just a few thoughts. Jim [This message has been edited by jbouder (edited 09-06-2000).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hey Jim, Good to hear from you. I think I like your original interpretation. I particularly like the "hell smells like kimchi" line. With just a few minor adjustments, the poem could probably be converted to that. I think the Shakespeare sonnet you reference is #71, quote: The similarities I see are the references to mourning and the bell, although in auite different context. But these are all in fairly early lines. If there are more similarities, I don't know to what they relate. BTW, glad you noticed the anacrusis I'm not sure anyone else would have. Also, I have to agree with you on the somewhat melodramatic beginning. But, in retrospect, I think that was my intention at the time of writing. Strange, isn't it?Well, thanks for reading and commenting, my friend. Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Sorry Not A Poet, I just couldn't get my teeth into this one. It came across to me as no more than an attempt at Shakesparian type writing. IMO, if this were told in plain US English the impact would be greater. Just my thoughts. |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Dear Pete, Hello! Whew...this is quite a change of pace from your usual subject matter. The first couple of lines made me think of a heavy pot smoker...lol...I know that was not your intention, but that's what occurred to me. You doing OK? This is good writing, as usual, even though the subject threw me a bit. Take care Kris |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Sorry for the duplication. Don't know what I did here but I was trying to edit the following one and must have punched the wrong button   [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 09-07-2000).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
YM, Thanks much for reading and commenting. I can understand that you don't particularly care for this one, after all, it hasn't been very well accepted in general. But you throw me with the implication that it is not "plain US English." Although not the greatest example I still thought it was pretty plain language. Kris, So good to hear your lovely voice again. I've missed you. Where have you been? Hope you haven't been working too hard to spend that requisite time here. Oh, and thanks for reading and commenting. And as for being different, well, I can't write the same old stuff all the time now, can I? Pete Imagination is more important than knowledge Albert Einstein |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Whatever it was, ~~Whap - slaps his silly self up side the head~~ I seem to have done it again [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 09-07-2000).] |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
bonjour pete ...I could be WAAAY off with this iterpretation but it sounds like someone beating himself up over a mistake he has done and wants to be judged on his intentions and not on the deed itself ...to quote a cliche "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" "But if you must, bemoan this truth, instead: There's no reprieve in life . . . My hopes are dead." ...there's always a reprieve in life when the wrong committed has been confronted from within and all dues have been paid... H ell O pens P ossibilities E asily S ought ...now I'll read the responses from everyone else and see just how FAAR off I am LOL I enjoyed reading this Pete debbie debbie Think of saying "I Love You" as always being overdue. Love is a gift, not an obligation. unknown |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Pete, I've missed you and this place too, but I've been reading. I have some time now - a couple of weeks. I ran into problems with my internship, and I'm waiting for another placement. How are you doing these days? Please do me a favor, and explain this poem to me. For some reason, I just can't see it coming from you. See ya soon, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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