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Blood Flow
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Blood Flow |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374
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Stop the blood flow with another twist Stop the dripping from my wrist Give my arm a pinch Am I dreaming Am I dying What did I think I could gain from this What did I expect of your kiss Whisper in my ear Am I listening Am I hearing Still I feel there is something to be gained Still I feel there is something to the pain Skin against my skin Am I touching Am I feeling And I have nothing left to give to you And I have nothing left but memories to Lay with in my bed Am I living Am I dead -jaimie Website: www.ladysixstring.com |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jaimie D. Travis - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JnR4eva Member
since 2000-08-07
Posts 377Bronx, NY |
Hi there  I read your poem and I enjoyed very much..i like a lot...and all I have to add in are but some suggestions ... umm on a grammar bit you know you are lacking some question marks..nothing big....and then on the last stanza...And I have nothing left to give to you {{And I have nothing left but memories to Lay with in my bed}} Am I living Am I dead On every other stanza you have made each line its own independent statement...however for the last one here you have tied the second and third lines as one sentence.. So perhaps to continue with the flow on the poem I would simply say just say this... And I have nothing left to give to you And I have nothing left but memories too Lay within my bed Am I living? Am I dead? do u see what I'm trying to get at here? i hope you do umm and that's basically it i believe...oh and one more thing about the statements...you have made statements in every stanzahowever in the second stanza you have begun by asking questions...to me i thought the questions were reserved solely for the last two lines of every stanza...i do not know ur intent but from what the eye can see i did notice that difference..so i thought perhaps u would like to stay within that flow..i don't know ...the poem itself?...i think it's really good much respect hope i was a bit helpful < !signature-->"my love is my motivation my love is my inspiration perception of this poem is your interpretation" -- rlt [This message has been edited by JnR4eva (edited 08-27-2000).] |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
Hello JnR4eva, Thanks for reading. I'm glad you brought up the lines "And I have nothing left but memories to - Lay with in my bed". I was unsure of whether or not I should change this, in fact, I was waiting to see if anyone would mention it. Also, You made a very good point on the statement/question thing in the second stanza. I didn't notice that at all. I think the questions would have more impact if they were reserved for the last two lines of each stanza only. Again, good point!! Thank you!! -jaimie |
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