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Something Enchantment
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Something Enchantment |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Something Enchantment Snowblink stars mesmerize, tracking noctilucent skies. Points of light that reference space -time continuum patterns trace, silver strands that lilting spill, from somewhere wondrous to somewhere here. From somewhere wonder, where faeries fly, and bump against trailing skies. Their blue-veined wings fanning upward drafts, stroking currents that carry past, charcoal hills and indigo, into a shimmering afterglow. Of emerald stars and platinum lights, that spinning webs, enchanted nights. Into faerie circles and woodland songs, songs that whisper you belong. But something surface holds me here. Gazing stars that disappear. forrest 2000 [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 08-07-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 O. Forrest Cain - All Rights Reserved | |||
Xeonox
since 2000-04-01
Posts 1764CA, USA |
Thought provking poem. I like the way you used nature and the image of night and blended both together. Ronil (What I say I live by and what I live by is what I create). |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
Nice subject for a poem! I thought you handled the rhyme situation quite well. There were a couple of awkward spots but this has a nice feel to it and I enjoyed it very much! |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
Nice fanciful flight into an imaginary world of mystic creation. I enjoyed. Brother James |
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Forrest, Nice poem. In particular, I liked points of light that reference space and the blue-veined wings. I prefer specific images or ideas like these rather than general abstractions or descriptions of color. -Tim |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Admittedly, some of your lines just don't work for me at all. Others, as the previously mentioned 'blue veined wings' do. Still, I'm torn between your syntactical choices - is it an amazing innovation (it certainly does something interesting) or does it fail precisely because you've taken English grammar and thrown it to the wind. I don't know. I really think this piece should be expand to allow more development in the theme -- complexify, complexify, complexify. Still, it leaves an interesting aftereffect in my mind. Can I be anymore vague about what I mean?  Brad |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Tim thanks for your feedback. Brad admittedly grammar is something I struggle with. I appreciate your comments and will rework this into something (hopefully) that is more defined and expanded. thanks forrest |
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Seoulman Junior Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 41 |
Hi Forest, I thought I'd say thank you for your kind comments on 'Coonowrin' in this thread. I too think you have to be a bit more careful with the grammer but I also liked what you had here, quite an abundance of richness to work on and interesting imagery came to mind. |
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
I wish I could give you some useful critique Forrest but I don't dwell in that neck of the woods! I just wanted to say that I found this is the most delicate and magical poem I have read in a long time and that I loved it...  |
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