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Critical Analysis #1
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Unanswered Questions
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Unanswered Questions |
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squeak New Member
since 2000-08-16
Posts 8Australia |
Hi everyone, this my first attempt at poetry, im not even sure if it is poetry? perhaps someone wouldnt mind commenting? TIA Linda Unanswered Questions These feelings I have for you I don't quite understand I'm not sure I want to understand These feelings I have for you They feel so god damn right Why can't I let myself feel? Why can't you let me? Have I made a mistake by letting you know? Or could it be one of the best things I have ever done? I don't know Can u tell you me? I love you And I'm always here for you Do you want me to love you? Or would you rather I didn't? Friend of lover? Which way will it go? I don't want to turn my feelings off Please don't tell me too I love you I have for some time Couldn't you see it in my eyes? |
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| © Copyright 2000 Linda Sonneman - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Welcome to CA! Whether or not this is a poem is something you have to decide for yourself. However, I would suggest that you consider describing the scene that caused you to ask these questions rather than asking people who have no idea of the situation. Huh? Writing a good poem isn't only about expressing your feelings but about making others feel how you feel. Even that's not completely it but it's a start. If you have any questions, feel free to ask. We may not know the answers but we'll try. Brad |
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squeak New Member
since 2000-08-16
Posts 8Australia |
Thanks for your comments Brad, ive made some changes to it, but im still not quite happy, will post again when its finished  |
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ladysixstring Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 374 |
Very good point that Brad made... "Writing a good poem isn't only about expressing your feelings but about making others feel how you feel." Here's a little ditty I wrote a while back on this very topic: Poetry Is... Poetry is about reliving the past, experiencing the present, dreaming of the future. Through our eyes, and should we dare, the eyes of another." (from my Poetry Is... collection, 1999) If this is among your first attempts... you have a wonder future ahead of you as a poet.< !signature--> -jaimie www.ladysixstring.com [This message has been edited by ladysixstring (edited 08-19-2000).] |
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squeak New Member
since 2000-08-16
Posts 8Australia |
Jaimie you're a gem! I kinda now realise what it needs, but im still a little bit stuck, spose that aint a bad thing ... I dont mind if it takes me a long time to get this one good thanks for taking the time to comment |
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Jamie Dawg Junior Member
since 2000-03-25
Posts 35 |
i have to say i feel much more positive about this. as a reader you are really launched into the poem...living through the thoughts of the poet. i don't actually feel that the second person references detract from the feeling of empathy. |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
hi linda ...i'm still learning from the masters in here but I'll give you my opinion for what it's worth LOL "These feelings I have for you I don't quite understand I'm not sure I want to understand" ...the word "understand" so close together is distracting for me, maybe if you went with these feelings I have for you i don't quite understand i'm not really sure I want to ...i'm not a big believer in using swear words to make a point, I find they lower the level of what your saying. "These feelings I have for you They feel so god damn right" maybe you could find another way of saying this. ...I enjoyed the poem cuz we have all been there with the same unanswered questions, I would be interested in reading the answers to what choice you finally made, is he worth the trouble or not? could you do better? oops...more unanswered questions LOL debbie debbie Think of saying "I Love You" as always being overdue. Love is a gift, not an obligation. unknown |
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squeak New Member
since 2000-08-16
Posts 8Australia |
Thanks so much everyone for your comments and advice, Ive made several small changes. Im happy with it now, and have given it to the person who I wrote it for Debbie im sorry if I offended you by swearing in this, not my intention to offend anyone, but I felt I needed that bit for a bit of grunt hehe More comments would be great! These feelings I have for you I don't quite understand Could you help me understand? Why they feel so god damn right Can't I let myself feel? Can't you let me? Was it a mistake telling you? Or best thing I have ever done? I don't know Can you tell you me? I think I love you Do you want me to love you? Would you rather I didn't? Friend of lover? Which way will it go? I don't want to turn my feelings off Please don't tell me too I think I love you I have for some time Couldn't you see it in my eyes? |
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squeak New Member
since 2000-08-16
Posts 8Australia |
oh yah another thing, he is worth the trouble, he thinks he or the possiblity of an 'us' isnt worth the risk  im not giving up on this one... it feels so right!! |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi Squeak, I see this is your first post. Welcome to CA  You have already received some good advice here so I don't really have much to add except to remind you that profanity rarely adds anything of value to a poem. But it always alienates some readers. And it is nearly always distracting.Pete [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 08-21-2000).] |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
hi linda hell NO...you didn't offend me LOLI read back the way I had written that sentence and I can see why you would think that, I'm sorry if I gave you that impression.  What I meant was that sometimes swear words lower the quality of what is written. hope to read more from you debbie debbie Think of saying "I Love You" as always being overdue. Love is a gift, not an obligation. unknown |
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WTVamp Junior Member
since 2000-05-01
Posts 18Salem, OR, US |
I like it. You show very good traits for a beginner. A good use of repitition in the begining that's so subtle, it's almost unnoticable. I've been reading alot of Poe lately, and I see comparisons, not necessarily in style, but more in structure, as far as rythym and repitition are concerned. Very good for a beginner, and I'm glad you have enough courage to share your begining work with the rest of us. Great Job!!! |
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squeak New Member
since 2000-08-16
Posts 8Australia |
I got my answers, not the answers I wanted though, ah well life goes on .. Im trying to write another poem to follow up how I have destroyed a beautiful friendship.. |
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