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YeshuJah Malikk
Member

since 2000-06-29

Posts 263

0 posted 2000-08-16 03:07 PM

I prey upon them.
Weak women.
Those beaten down by the storms
of mayhem.

I prey upon them.

Casanova ain't got a thing on me,
I seduce them for the sheer glee
of watching them fall
into the trap that is me.

Guilty feelings?
Not in the least!

Supplicants all,
I could pick them up at a restaurant
or a shopping mall;
it doesn't matter what face they wear,
I know exactly how to make them fall;
and when they do, I chop them up
like they did the Berlin wall.

Yes I prey upon them.

Divorcee, with a couple of kids in tow?
Prime target!
There's no way you could escape
the likes of me
unless you became a hermit!

You and your parents can't get along,
every time you turn around they're
singing you the same old song?
Guess what baby, you could roll
with me, we could swing
from ding to dong,
but check this out:
once you've become enslaved
to the call of your desire,
and you succumb to
the dictates of those inner fires
you'll become less than dirt;
and you'll soon be wishing you were
back in ma's house where your belong.

Touché!

I prey upon them.

Women who're emotionally strapped
with the need to nurture.
I step to them disguised as a cuddly bear,
but inside I'm a ravening vulture.
I could sense their every weakness
with an instinct honed
in the tunnel of watchfulness;

Before they know it,
somewhere between attraction and desire
their pain becomes the fuse that carries the fire
that sears them from head to toe,
and the BSt they go through is worse than woe.

I prey upon them!

Weak women.

But even a predator has got to
have a cardinal rule,
mine is: never touch a friend.
Because if you do you'll never be able
to close that noose at the other end,
and you'll be left holding the joker
in the pack every now and then.

I know because I prey upon them.

Janie
Member

since 2000-08-13

Posts 158

1 posted 2000-08-16 05:36 PM

Very insightful, seems very authentic. I hope I don't run into this guy!

I especially liked the strength in the timing of the "Touché!"

"and you'll soon be wishing you were
back in ma's house where your belong.

Touché!"

I think you may have a typo I just noticed in the above line: "your" sh/b "you".
Also, I think this is a typo? "BSt".

Good Work!

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

2 posted 2000-08-17 06:55 PM

Sorry, YeshuJah (don't suppose you have a nickname we could use, I keep have to check the spelling with your name) but this doesn't do it for me.

Too one dimensional for my taste. Sure, I've met people like this, even been accused of being this person but I can't help but believe that there should be more to this type of person. I think this should be developed more.

Complexify, complexify.

The rhymes, this time around, detract from the theme in my point of view.

Just an opinion,
Brad

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