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Cessation
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Cessation |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
What fuels this tired worn shell diminished what force keeps it on track Propelled on course as yet unfinished though stroke draws muscle slack Resistence to the under-current continuing to strive In face of such a strong deterrent where comes will to survive Un-bested by the elemental full time's brought in to play One must suspect the transcendental determined souls obey As mirrored by a sad reflection to cease is not of their election |
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| © Copyright 2000 William E.Kleist - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
This is a nice sonnet! My only observation: the last line is interesting to read, but contains only two real solid words -- cease and election. Is that what you want? I'm from the school that believes the last line should always be the strongest of the poem. Nice read! |
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Coof New Member
since 1999-11-27
Posts 7 |
Hello Doc, I liked your use of meter in this though I’ve a feeling you had a hard time keeping to it in this part: ‘In face of such a strong deterrent where comes will to survive’ The trick of leaving out ‘the’ before ‘will’ has been well used and is quite legitimate, it just made me trip slightly on reading. That may of course be my failing as a reader rather than a misjudgment of the writer.  If you do decide to re-visit the last line what about just adding an ‘s’ to election? On the whole I thought this was solidly written and I enjoyed reading it , in fact reading it got me thinking, which inevitably leads to writing (two things I should avoid, as the following verse demonstrates). In lemming’s way this body shell Seems bent to search or try To find new ways to curse itself Or old ways how to die Thanks for the chance to read and reply. Craig Yes, I admit your general rule. That every poet is a fool: But I myself may serve to show it. That every fool is not a poet. |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Marq, Thanks for the R&R , as to the last line , I must agree with your assessment , however , given the context in which they are used ( which describes the halting of certain functions )I believe,as a whole ,the piece reads well as as written .It may skip a beat here or there ( as with the additional syllables )but yes that was my intent ,to try to incorporate such fluctuations into the theme . Doc |
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Dr.Moose1 Member Elite
since 1999-09-05
Posts 3448Bewilderment , USA |
Craig , Glad you dropped in on this , your insight is always appreciated . Your points are well taken and not without merit , but as stated in my reply to Marq , a certain amount of delay , or skipped or missed beats were incorporated into this piece to try to emulate what I feel as I look on those whom stroke has impaired , yet still keep on going.The mind and body's will to survive is a very impressive thing indeed . Doc |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Doc, Interesting use of meter. I really like your choice of rhyming words, some unusual stuff there. There will, of course, be those who are appalled (sp) at the broken meter but I found it somewhat refreshing, particularly in light of your explanation. This is also interesting as a contrast to my most recent, as you stated over there. I had not yet seen this one when I read your response to mine. Thanks, Pete |
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