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Killing Poe
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Killing Poe |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
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| © Copyright 2001 Robert E. Michaud Jr. - All Rights Reserved | ||||
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hey Bob, I like the concept but I think you can do better with the meter. For the most part, it works out pretty well but there are a few stumbling points or speed bumps really in every stanza. For example look at line 4. The second half has an extra foot which really throws the reader off. Then I just can't really read line 5 without several attempts. Line 6 is on the edge but probably acceptable as is. Second stanza has similar flaws in lines 4 and 5. In line 6 I think whom should be who instead. Same again with stanza 3 although line 4 is marginally acceptable. It is, however, a little hard to read without an extra foot. Like I said, I like it and I think you could perfect it with just a little more thought. JMHO Pete |
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Abby Junior Member
since 2001-08-12
Posts 12Texas |
Hi Bob, Great job here. I think it flowed nicely. Not every line has to equal out. To me, it's all in the way it's being read. I'm in no way a critic, but I think you did an excellent job! Abby |
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hush Senior Member
since 2001-05-27
Posts 1653Ohio, USA |
I like this a lot. Personally, I didn't have that much trouble with the meter, and I really enjoyed the parody of Poe by mimicking his style in a poem about him. 'For of what should be, I must know."' I did have a bit of trouble with this line- the phrasing confused me, and here your flow is hampered a bit by the lack of hard consonants- the words themselves aren't emphasized enough. 'Far below where death instated, angels unto resurrecting Poe.' This line made a lot more sense to me when I read it with the comma dropped. Let the flow create its own pause- the comma just confuses the meaning of the line. 'Like a face of devil, wanting, waiting, whoring, grimacing glow --' I tripped over this line- grimacing is awkward. 'While exhibited down under' The Australian outback? LOL, sorry, that's just the impression I got. 'Alas, be gone -- for all must know, Alas, Die on -- Oh, aberrant POE.' These lines are nice and strong, but left me just slightly confused. What must all know? I like the last line's implications that he was brought back to 'die on', nice way of stating things. Overall, nice work, just a little smoothing of language and clarity could improve it a lot. I eat only sleep and air -Nicole Blackman |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Abby, ordinarily I would agree with you on every line not needing to be consistent meter. In this case, however, Bob is writing within the framework of a very well-known and exceptionally tight-structured poem, "The Raven." As such, I think it would be preferable if he maintained those things which made the original what it is. Pete |
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citizenx Member
since 2001-07-31
Posts 189motorcade |
Bob, I am not too familiar with Poe's writing so that puts me at a disadvantage when making comments about this poem, but I will give you my thoughts. There are very striking and also some less striking images. The second verse is amazing, every line perfect "Bold, the verse that came entreating warped my sleep in midnight's fleeting, Out from catacombs receding, mind engulfed by smothering blow -- Solemnly, while soul elated -- Mad, I woke to flesh deflated, Far below where death instated, angels unto resurrecting Poe. How strange, death emancipated angels unto resurrecting Poe -- Whom of mortal man would know?" However for me the rest of the poem does not have the same impact. they are good and are over all strong but references to devils and demons drag the lines into god awful gothic poetry territory.. I have no problems with gothic poetry but as references devils and demons are over used. I guess what I am saying is that the rest of the poem is highly original except for those references…I feel something more abstract would be nice instead of: "As of someone, something trampling -- stomping steps like demons sent below." "Like a face of devil, wanting, waiting, whoring, grimacing glow --" This is my only issue, other than that damn fine poem. |
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tom Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 90s/w penna u.s.a. |
LHB I got the impression you were mirroring Poe the man not one of his poems,from what I understand,he was dark & creepy,also not very structured in life.I may be wrong. Copying his style,to a certain extent made it fun to read.I liked it. tom |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
Sorry for taking so long to get back to your replies. I just returned to college and I am in desperate need of some good time management skills. Anyway, I'll keep my answers short and sweet. Hey Pete, Thanks for the fine tuning. As your reply to Abby, I suppose that I should have concentrated on perfect "trochee octometer" here rather than personal preference especially since I was reflecting Poe's work. For example, I could have used the word "low" instead of "below" in lines 4 and 5 of the first stanza but my personal preference got in the way. When working with meter, I do need to learn how to fight that urge of mine off! I chose the word "whom" instead of "who" simply because it sounds more archaic (Poe-ish) to my ear. This was a fun personal challenge and in the future I will try to fight off my demons of personal preference to conform a bit better. Abby, Thanks a bunch!! Though your not a critic, I appreciate that you took the time to read and reply to my poem. What a positive re-enforcement you have been. hush, Actually, I wrote this poem with your avid pleasure for reading the work of Poe in mind. (he he...) I'm glad that you liked it. Now to try and expain the line "For of what should be, I must know" without causing anymore confussion than I have already caused you. Well, this line is connected to the line above as it is included in the parentheses and is in reference to the troubadour... The troubadour (Poe) is buried down below for I might know what should be. (the future) Anyway, this was just an attempt. I do like your idea of dropping un-needed commas. Using all the adverb clauses caused by using a trochee format, can really cause a person to go a bit crazy. (Hey, maybe Poe was not strung out on opium after all.) Your comment about Australia was funny and a bit scary. Scary because when I used the term out back, I was thinking the same thing. Do you suppose that we are beginning to think alike? (hush) Thanks for your comments and I will try to watch my language in the future. citizenx, I really liked your rating of "Damn Fine Poem" even though you were not familiar with the Master of Terror which is a pretty good description of Poe. I really believe that Poe's type of writing is quite gothic and I was trying to reflect in my poem the style of Poe. Not that I enjoy writing about devils and demons by any means, but I just think that these are very descriptive words. Fear not my friend for you are not alone in your dis-like of Gothic style poetry in this forum. Thanks again for reading and for your "Damn Fine" comment. tom, Yes. As I understand Poe's biography, he was a dismal guy whose art reflected his life in many ways. He was an orphan whose adopted parrents disowned him, he married his 13 year old cousin, drank strong alcholic beverage and was strung out on opium, died at 40 years of age shortly after his wife died.... other than that he was a pretty decent guy and to quote citizenx above....... he wrote "Damn Fine Poems." Thank you everyone. -Bob |
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Tony Di Bart Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 160Toronto, Canada |
I like the poem but i have to agree about the meter. the first stanza is great and i reallt got into it but half way through the second the peom lost all it's momentum. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
Meter be damned it's a damn good poe-m. Of course, it's probably best when imitating or spoofing to stay close as possible to the original. I really enjoyed this bit of terror. |
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