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Critical Analysis #1
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Thoughts
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Thoughts |
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BigPimpinSk8tr Junior Member
since 2000-08-05
Posts 17Chambersburg, PA, USA |
Thoughts These are the thoughts no one knows, Where loneliness, depression grows. Things I’ve blocked away for years, Things that once brought me to tears. Memories from dark corners of my mind, Things I thought I had left behind. Thoughts of anger, rage, and hate, All served on a two-faced plate. Abandoned, betrayed, left alone, Pain, loneliness in my eyes shone. People too worried about what’s wrong with me, I’m hurting and dying, why can’t they see? They ask me my illness, heartbreak or depression? Anger, betrayal, alone, or aggression? The purpose of a friend is just what they’re missin, Not to ask questions, just to sit and listen. I just need to talk or someone to hear, Then to discuss the things that I fear. What makes me laugh? What makes me cry? What makes me live? What makes me die? The answers aren’t important though, Most people just ask for show. All they’re doing is kissing my ass, If that’s the case, no thanks I’ll pass. Block them out by building a wall, Let no one in, none at all. I take defense I’m very protective, I see only from my own perspective. Afraid to be hurt, it’s happened before, And I got so scared of all that’s in store. Memories, emotions, come rushing back, And reality’s ready to attack, Head to hands, elbows to knees, Screaming to God,” Answer me please!” I can’t do it alone all hope has been lost, My being turned cold like an arctic frost. I’ve been between Heaven and Hell, When I thought I was up I tripped and fell. The world overwhelms me I break and give in, But nobody knows the places I’ve been. I have plenty of friends, but they come and go, The good ones stay and that’s how I know. They still don’t help in the things I do, The ones that help are the ones that are true. The best friends I have, the best of them all, Are the three that made the other side of my wall. These three and me will go side by side, Go hand in hand to the day we die. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Michael J. Lentini - All Rights Reserved | |||
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acidic angel Junior Member
since 2000-08-05
Posts 12winnipeg, canada |
wow. i absolutely adore this poem. it's wonderful. so full of emotion and feeling. sorry this isn't very critical lol... |
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Regina New Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 7montreal, quebec, canada |
wow! that was great poem. so well written and expressive i cant wait to read more from u. it really was an awesome thing |
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Regina New Member
since 2000-08-06
Posts 7montreal, quebec, canada |
wow! that was great poem. so well written and expressive i cant wait to read more from u. it really was an awesome thing |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Big, Poetry-wise, I feel you did a pretty darn good job. The meter wasn't perfect, but hey... Your word choices were very good for the tone of the poem. The first four lines, very well-written, set that tone nicely. On to the content...I think you did a wonderful job of self-expression here, and I see talent. I must say, though, that I've experienced many of the same feelings, and found that life doesn't have to be like that. We can be happier, really enjoy life, and actually become better artists. Why don't you check out this site: www.wingofmadness.com/teens.htm They have a message board, a lot of good information, and links to other sites. You will see that you are definitely not alone in your feelings, that is if this poem is about yourself. If not, well, I tried. I am one who cares, and I care because I've been there...I know how it feels. You are very lucky to have your friends. Looking forward to more of your work, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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J.L. Humphres Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 201Alabama |
Big, First off I really apreciate your ability to grasp emotion. However,(and this is only my humble opinion and I am no Will Shakespeare) the word choice could have been a little more expansive. Your rythym really held up well throughout, only to be somewhat short change by somewhat vague descriptions. I really liked the poem but felt with a bit more work on word choice it could be vastly improved. I look forward to reading more. J.L.H. Jason I...I have seen the best minds of my generation... --Allen Ginsberg |
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Alle'cram Senior Member
since 2000-02-28
Posts 1816Texas |
Hi, If emotions you were conveying, you touched mine. Very nice job. If ever you have need of "just talking to someone that will listen", click on my email. I am a five foot nine grandmother, who have big ears. Your friend, Marcy |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Well, this one actually has some kind of movement - it doesn't begin and end with the same theme and that is very good (I've been on a bit of a tirade today trying to point this out to people - feel free to ignore me). But I think your rhyme scheme limits your ability to employ the detail that would make this a killer poem. Don't tell us about the pain, show the scene that creates that pain; mimic the very real contradictory thoughts that go on inside your brain (often the subtlety of thought is lost in the drown of sheer emotion - a style I'm not particulary comfortable with). Take the images of your life and show them to us, make us feel what you're going through rather as well as create a portrait of the complex individuals you call friends. Do you see what I'm trying to get at? Just an opinion, Brad |
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