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Critical Analysis #1
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| Critical Analysis #1 |
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acidic angel Junior Member
since 2000-08-05
Posts 12winnipeg, canada |
soft calming shadows can blur the light of day when everything is transparent you really want to see it that way yeah, so life isn't perfect tell me something i need to know no one really understands and i've got nothing to show i'm sorry that i'm a failure i tried, i did, i swear but nothing really works right for me and no one can seem to care so forget about those promises i don't expect you to keep them anyway i'll just keep on trying again, every single day i'll try to forget the past and we'll forget our way but i'll just keep on trying every single day in all honesty this one is a little immature. i was probably pretty down when i wrote it %P  <<< read my poems >>> |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jasmine - All Rights Reserved | |||
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BigPimpinSk8tr Junior Member
since 2000-08-05
Posts 17Chambersburg, PA, USA |
Immaturity is in the interpretation of the reader. I found it working to a deeper level than just the words, but i guess i can understand the poem a little more since i feel like that sometimes. It was all in all very excellent. I loved the first 2 stanzas, and the last one ended the poem with a real nicely. Big Pimpin Sk8tr |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
It seems your rhyme scheme is inhibiting the story you want to tell. Why do you want to stay so general? Give the reader some meat to play with - images, complexity, allusions, relationships, or whatever. Let the reader see what's happening rather than telling them. It's my guess that you are a little inexperienced at this game (If I'm wrong, please accept my apologies) but poetry is not about abstraction, it is about giving us the details - the reader is a voyeur into your life and thoughts. Make the reader feel because of the poem, not because he or she has felt that way before. A poem isn't about something, it is something. --Macleish Just an opinion, Brad |
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acidic angel Junior Member
since 2000-08-05
Posts 12winnipeg, canada |
hee hee. well you're half right. i'm not inexperienced in writing poetry. just i'm trying to work on my rhyming. it's something that i only recently started doing with them. and i use poetry and a vent for all the feelings i feel which is probably why the person who posted first understood better simply because 'they feel that way too sometimes' you know? my poetry is basically trying to describe and make sense out of the insanity inside my head *l* that sounds kinda lame but oh well. thanks for your input tho guys ^^ and i will take what you said into consideration next time i write a poem ^^ *** click! *** |
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acidic angel Junior Member
since 2000-08-05
Posts 12winnipeg, canada |
BTW.. i also believe that poetry can be whatever you want it to be. my style is abstract thoughts and feelings ^^ |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
I agree that poetry can be whatever you want it to be. But, most of us write not only for ourselves. It is certainly true that we write for self expression and even gratification, but if no one wanted to read what I write, I suspect I would not write much longer. Maybe I could get the same self satisfaction from just thinking. Anyway, the reason for posting here in CA is to get feedback from others. Sometimes we like that feedback and sometimes we don't. But in either case the objective is to learn from it and hopefully thereby to write better poetry. Pete |
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