The saddest thing is....kismet sux

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calamity jane
New Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 4

0 posted 2000-08-02 11:00 PM

The saddest thing is that I really loved you
I didn’t know my love meant so little
In my eyes you were perfect
I didn’t realise you thought so badly of me

The saddest thing is I really believed you
I thought you liked me for me
Every word you spoke I remembered
Everything you said, I thought you meant

The saddest thing is that I worshipped you
Adored you, admired you
Would have done anything for you
Would have given up everything to you

The saddest thing is that you couldn’t see
The value in knowing
That someone in this world
Really truly did love you and desire you

The saddest thing is that I still believe
The person I thought you were
The person I loved you for
Is the only one in this world for me

The saddest thing is that I was wrong
There is no love ,there is no god
There’s no such thing as fate
The saddest thing is that you have broken the heart of your own soulmate

kelli
Junior Member

since 2000-07-31

Posts 10
washington

1 posted 2000-08-02 11:10 PM

I absolutely loved your poem. It's the first one that i've been able to really connect with. I really loved the guy that I wrote that poem about. Everything that you wrote I connected with. Thanks for letting me know that i'm not the only one writing poems like this on here. Well, once again thanks.

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

2 posted 2000-08-05 09:19 PM

Jane:

Welcome to CA and welcome to Passions in Poetry.

In spite of the relatively general language and the lack of concrete images, I was enjoying your poem a great deal ... until I got to the last stanza.  You have successfully (in my opinion) created a significant amount of attention and (again, in my opinion) you throw it away on "... There is no love ,there is no god / There’s no such thing as fate / The saddest thing is that you have broken the heart of your own soulmate."

I think you need to rework your conclusion.  It rings more of anger than of profound sadness.  I would soften the impact of the direct statements in lines 2 & 3 of your last stanza and nix the word "soulmate" from the last line.  Then focus on the thoughts and feelings of YOUR sadness.

I do have to say again that I really enjoyed your wording of the previous stanzas.  They were very touching and enjoyable to read.

Again, welcome to CA.

Jim

Brad
Member Ascendant

since 1999-08-20

Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea

3 posted 2000-08-10 02:59 AM

Well, Jim liked most of it but unfortunately I did not. This is far too general for my taste. I want to see the real relationship, the quirks, the voices, the unique moments where the situation is indeed uniquely your own. Right now, I think you're writing around what really happened rather than showing what really happened. My guess is that you are probably still too close to the real incident - almost afraid to deal with it yourself. Maybe sit on this for a while when time can give you a diffent perspective.

Then again maybe not.

Just an opinion,
Brad

Kirsty24
Junior Member

since 2000-03-24

Posts 40
Australia

4 posted 2000-08-10 09:57 PM

Calamity - Your poem was very touching. Reminded me of a past lover, the way that things were and the way that things are now.

Keep up the great work - Kirsty

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