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me vs. christ (not a blasphemy, just bad)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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me vs. christ (not a blasphemy, just bad) |
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roxane Senior Member
since 1999-09-02
Posts 505us |
easter drunken sunday i showed up hung over and christ's agony on the cross was nothing compared to mine as you spoon fed me water from a glass and said "gosh, i'm sorry you're sick" i was sorry too, sweetheart i wish i could've told you you stuffed my nausea with chocolates things i didn't deserve, didn't need like baskets of pink plastic grass because you knew how i loved it. and i loved you too, just didn't seem that way then i never felt the heat of your stare more than then, in your fatherly embrace as you wet my forehead with a cloth and smoothed back my hair and later just your tears would alone bathe my feet. "What is conversatism except adherence to the old and tired against the new and untried?" Abraham Lincoln roxane |
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| © Copyright 2000 roxane - All Rights Reserved | |||
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deb Junior Member
since 2000-07-11
Posts 44Reading, Pa., USA |
Roxane, I think the metaphor used in this poem is quite good. The last stanza is good. Don't believe it is blasphemous--just a good use of metophers! deb |
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pegasus111 Member Elite
since 2000-07-27
Posts 2219ocala, fl, usa |
Yes, I agree. An interesting metaphor. Hard to worship anything with a hangover.  Nice to have someone who loves you, comfort you ,and not say I told you so.the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and many miles to go before I sleep...Frost |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi roxane! your poem is interesting, and not blashphmous, but i think the title is a little inflamatory. unless that's what you wanted, i would change it to maybe something relating to the easter thing in the poem. luv Elyse |
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kris_aka_warmhrt Junior Member
since 2000-07-25
Posts 15 |
Rox, Your use of metaphor here is very well done. In the speaker's semi-delirious state, the image of love alternating with the image of Christ is vivid. I, too, loved the last stanza, but do encourage you to modify the title with something more befitting it. Great work, as usual, Rox, Kris |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Sorry Rox, this one doesn't work for me. I mean it's well written and all that and I don't see it as blasphemous. I think it's the premise of the hang over. Maybe I spent too many mornings like that in my younger days. I can't be certain who is offering comfort her but that was presented very well, just the right amount of sentiment, etc. Well, now it seems that I am liking it better than I first said  But you know I'm not much good at critiquing free verse anyway  Thanks, Pete |
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
roxane, I've just got a little suggestion about the title. I think changing the title would be a good idea, not becuase its necessarily blasphemous (no poem, of course, is blasphemous or offensive in itself - it takes a reader to assign it meaning as blasphemous) but because I think it doesn't have much relevance to the actual poem. Maybe just 'Easter' or something might be better. Just a suggestion. -Tim |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Gotta tell you. didn't work for me either. I think it's my Judeo Christian sensibilities(yes, I do have that side too) but I just couldn't see any connection between the two scenes you use. |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
I like this! Good poems containing social and political commentary are rare! Bravo to you! |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
roxane, I really liked this very much, and the title, I say don't change it, It suits the poem and its unusual, Just my opinion |
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