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Critical Analysis #1
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Missing You
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Missing You |
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m3jay Junior Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 12 |
The clock says its about 11:52, And already Im missing you, I really dont want you to leave, But the more you learn, the more you can achieve. Now its 11:54, and Im missing you twice as much, Missing your sweet and loving touch, I will miss the way your eyes look into mine, Im so sad now 'cause its almost time. I will also miss how crazy you are, And how sometimes with Lauren you would go to far. I will miss the way we would have a conversation without one word said, Our eyes would say what we where thinking in our head, When your are gone, my eyes will no longer see yours nor be dry, For you, I would lay down my life and die. I will miss your tender heart, how it is oh so sweet, For going along with you, a peice of my heart you will keep. Im gonna miss everything about you, yes its true, Now you know how I truely feel when I say, I love you! |
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| © Copyright 2000 m3jay - All Rights Reserved | |||
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notlikely2 Member
since 2000-06-16
Posts 308UK |
Great writing! I can really relate to the emotions you express here. Missing someone like that hurts and yet it makes you realise what it is that you have. Look after it. |
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Doogle Junior Member
since 2000-02-19
Posts 11London |
Sorry. I'm no expert so maybe it's just a personal preference but it seems to me that in poetry rhythm and flow are more important than rhyme. I think you have sacrificed the flow of this piece in order to ensure that the end of the lines rhyme. That said you have done very well in creating a mood and atmosphere and I think this has a lot of potential-maybe you just try a little too hard? |
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pegasus111 Member Elite
since 2000-07-27
Posts 2219ocala, fl, usa |
I agree Doogle..this piece has a lot of potential. with a more economical use of words the rhythm and rhyme would coexist. the woods are lovely, dark, and deep, but I have promises to keep, and many miles to go before I sleep...Frost |
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ilph Member
since 2000-07-28
Posts 78 |
Come on guys, lets not underestimate the power of rhyme, as is demonstrated in this poem. The pain of yearning and waiting and loving...wonderful! |
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