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My Greatest Love
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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My Greatest Love |
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Abby Junior Member
since 2001-08-12
Posts 12Texas |
It was then that I knew. As if an angel had appeared and whispered in my ear. You were taken from me like a thief in the night. This life I have within me. Though you were never told, You seemed to know and love me nonetheless. Such angry words spoken as I left in haste. My heart broken and torn. Leaving the one I truly love above all eternity. Only to return once as if the pain of yesterday had somehow been removed. It was then that you vowed your love. Only this once did it come from you first. Now here I stand. I've come to visit you again. The sun beams down upon my ivory skin, blazened in the heat of a summers day. I try to reach you, but wonder if you hear the silent whispers that escape me? And as a tear rolls from my cheek, a gentle summer rain begins to fall Almost as if you are crying with me. I can still feel Your presence all around me. I drop to my knees. I pray for your forgiveness. and question if I am still your little girl? Okay, first let me say that I am not completely happy with the title of this one so any suggestions are welcomed. Secondly, I am not sure about any of this. Ramblings to most I'm sure. It's very unlike me so I thought I would take a shot here. Where better? lol Comments welcomed. Thanks! |
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Local Rebel Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-21
Posts 5767Southern Abstentia |
Just my slice Abby -- rambling is a great way to write -- then go out and cut the words that don't add anything -- less is more in my book. It was then I knew. As if an angel had appeared and whispered in my ear You were taken This life now within me Though I didn't tell you, You seemed to know and love me nonetheless. Such angry words I left in haste. torn. Leaving the one I truly love above all eternity returning once as if the pain of yesterday had somehow been removed then you vowed your love the first it came from you first I've come to you again The sun beams down on ivory skin, blazened in the heat of a summers day. I try to reach you, but wonder if you hear the silent whispers that escape me? And as a tear rolls, a gentle summer rain begins to fall Almost as if you cry too I still feel you on my knees I pray for your forgiveness. and question if I am still your little girl? |
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Abby Junior Member
since 2001-08-12
Posts 12Texas |
Thanks Rebel. Your right. It's better the way you shortened it but kept it the same. I really appreciate your comments without ripping me to shreds lol  Hugs! |
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