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Critical Analysis #1
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Clara
Junior Member
since 2000-05-27
Posts 21
England, but moving to Sweden this year

0 posted 2000-07-14 06:28 PM


Change

Does the world know its going to change?
Does it realise it can never be the same,
Is it waiting, as if with bated breath,
To see just how different it will be?

Is it scared,
Trying to push the knowledge away,
Wanting to remain oblivious,
Denying change will happen,
Fearing to admit just how important,
How stunning that day will be,
When our two lives meet,
And either fall apart or form a new one?

Is it making the most of now,
Perhaps these last few precious moments,
Storing them away, wrapped up carefully,
Protected safely in a layer of tissue paper,
Memories to take out later and examine,
Perhaps when that is all thats left of 'us'?

Is it impatient,
Longing for that new dawn,
Rushing towards it eagerly,
Wanting to embrace it,
Adding the now to then to make it more,
Adding the you to me, the me to you,
Perhaps in some ways making us whole?

The world will change
We will change it
Whether it wants to be changed or not
Will it change us too?



© Copyright 2000 Clara - All Rights Reserved
IsGona
Senior Member
since 2000-07-14
Posts 723

1 posted 2000-07-14 06:47 PM


very interesting.  It gave me a little different perspective on the world.  I don't consider my self a poet.  I just recently writting so I'm not going to even try to analyze it in that way.  But in general as a novice reader of peotry it was very well written and expressed your thaughts clearly to help the reader understand your view.  well done.
Brad
Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705
Jejudo, South Korea
2 posted 2000-07-25 05:53 PM


You have an interesting idea but you tell us about it instead of showing us. Stay away from some of these abstractions and work on concrete images that show the reader what you mean. Also, be very leery of phrases like 'bated breath' -- they're generally not approved of in poetry unless that poetry is in the comic mode.

Just an opinion,
Brad

Clara
Junior Member
since 2000-05-27
Posts 21
England, but moving to Sweden this year
3 posted 2000-07-25 10:45 PM


Isgona

Thanks, glad you found it interesting and easy to follow.  I'm a novice too!  

Brad

It seems I have a habbit of using phrases that are frowned on.  Thats something I will learn as time goes by I guess, but only if people tell me, so thanks.  

I am new to this, sharing it especially, so value all and any advice I can get.  It may take a little work to learn how to show rather than tell.  I hope you guys can help me with that.  

Thanks again

Clara
The quiet English one

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