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After the World Ends
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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After the World Ends |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
(for Kurt Vonnegut) "You touched an empty lighter and it froze Your fingers to a rusted metal frame." He rolled his eyes and sighed, "And so it goes. You touched an empty lighter and it froze. I told you, didn't I, not to test my claim That ice nine can't be seen, it never shows. You touched an empty lighter and it froze Your features with a rusted metal frame." --to Jim and Pete. Sorry, I cheated on the last line a little bit. [This message has been edited by Brad (edited 07-14-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Brad - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
ok .. i guess you're doing this deliberately Brad ..... having explained the "thinking" behind your poetry you now bowl what's known in the trade as a googly ....lol i never thought i'd read a poem more incomprehensible than The Boys of Summer ..... but i just did!!  i am puzzled, foxed, out-thought, bemused etc etc also: "I told you, didn't I, not to test my claim" really made me stumble in what seemed to be predominately iambic meter throughout the rest ... and that mysterious "and" !! what is going on here brad?? ....lol oh and i guess i should know what "ice nine" is ...~sigh~ p [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 07-14-2000).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Gotcha in a typo in lines 1, 4 and 7. Then technically, lines 5 and 6 should be swapped although some rewriting would be required to retain the meaning (the rhyme scheme should be ABaAabAB whereas you have ABaAbaAb allowing for cheating in the last line  ) Finally, except for line 5, you have a nicely flowing iambic pentameter. I can't seem to read that line without stumbling over didn't, just too many syllables.Interesting or even fascinating read, Brad, and an unexpected topic. Pretty well done. But, it could be very well done if you can fix those little discrepancies. Thanks, Pete Oops, I thought I would be first but while I was dinking around on the phone, looks like Philip slipped in. Looks like he found some of the same things. [This message has been edited by Not A Poet (edited 07-14-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
LOL.... pete ..it seems i got in just before you ... do you REALLY think "and" is a typo ??? .. hummmm .. I'm not so sure ..lol.. the whole poem seems quite mysterious enough for it not to be p oops ..seems while i was writing this pete edited .. do you really think he'd make THREE identical typos? .. i just can't believe that of our exacting moderator ..heh heh [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 07-14-2000).] |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Well, Philip, I think he made a typo in the first line then just did the cut and paste thing to reproduce it in the others. That's one of the advantages of a triolet, you only have to think up that line one time and it produces three lines in the final poem. Then, using the word processor, you only have to type it one time. One of our modern conveniences. Of course, if you make a typo the first time . . . well you get the idea I'm sure.  Pete |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
yeah .. guess you're right ... ~sigh~ just can't get the moderators these days .. slip shod that's what it is ..lol.... and there was i thinking it was some deliberate cleverness ... p |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Ohmygod Ohmygod Ohmygod!!!!!! I can't believe I missed that. I had someone else read this before I posted it and he missed it too. I should probably be drawn and quartered for that. Wait, hold on, don't put that noose around my neck just yet. Okay, okay let me think for a minute: everybody makes mistakes.  Pete, originally, I wrote this by hand and the mistake is in that version as well -- maybe I've been out of the English speaking world for too long. I will make the correction but everything else is pretty much as I want it -- for right now. I'll try to write a more rigid version later but this one just got away from me (became rather entranced with the idea actually). Philip, if you've read Cat's Cradle and Slaughterhouse Five by KV this poem isn't obscure at all. Maybe too simple actually. Thanks for keeping me on my toes. And so it goes. Humbly yours, Brad |
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Seoulman Junior Member
since 2000-05-24
Posts 41 |
Interesting short poem Brad featuring typical sharp images you seem to use well-lighter(metal I presume), metal frame & ice. Boy it maybe summer but I'm nearly reaching for my coat. |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Brad: I never read Vonnegut (I know ... shame on me) so I suppose this one is as far beyond me as it is beyond Philip. I don't have time to read those books at the moment so I may have to wait for an explanation (hopefully one is forthcoming). Pete: Don't you recognize a Bradleyan Triolet when you see one? Brad again: Whenever you want to hang out with us monoglots on the other side of the Pacific, remember ... there is a comfy hotel room and the best lager in the U.S. waiting for you if you visit PA. Jim P.S. You MUST tell me what you mean by "ice nine". |
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Brad. I know its terribly fuddy-duddyish to ask what a poem 'means' but, heck, I'm going to ask, what does this poem mean? It has an enigmatic title and I'm sure that there is some profound symbolism behind the lighter. -Tim |
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Craig Member
since 1999-06-10
Posts 444 |
Jim, Ice nine is a substance in a KV book that allows water to freeze higher Temperatures. Or have I just made that up? Bokononism anyone? I wanted all things To seem to make some sense, So we all could be happy, yes, Instead of tense. And I made up lies So that they all fit nice, And I made this sad world A par-a-dise. KV Yes, I admit your general rule. That every poet is a fool: But I myself may serve to show it. That every fool is not a poet. |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
 Have an ice D aye very one! Bob <>< |
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