Critical Analysis #1 |
Cooking |
Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
**WARNING: this poem is definitely PG-13 if not more, proceed with ice water handy Me and Hubby in the kitchen fixin somethin good to eat I smile, "It's dinner time" I say, "I think I need some meat" He pricked up both his eyebrows, flashed his Cheshire Cat grin "I think I've just the thing" he says, "To feed the beast within" "Stand back" he says, of course I do, and watch him as he works He's reachin past the pickles where the whipping cream lurks He retreives two hefty bottles and a pack of boned Purdue, Licks his lips and promises "I've got a treat for you" He unwraps the lovely chicken, slides the peices in the dish A breast for him and thighs for me - I'm glad we hadn't fish The cream is next - the whipping cream, sticky white and thick He smooths it in between the thighs and makes his fingers slick Not finished yet applies it overtop the thighs and breast And pleased now with the coating adds a touch of lemon zest He then turns on the oven to a very high heat It cooks and soon is finishd "Think we're ready now to eat" I tell you now that never have i tasted such a feast although I'm not so certain we did much to tame the beast. [This message has been edited by Elyse (edited 07-08-2000).] |
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© Copyright 2000 Elyse Wilcock - All Rights Reserved | |||
jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Elyse: I suppose you warned me. Is this poem about cars? The force the rhyme and meter a few times and forgot to proof-read for typos (shame on you) -- (this IS CA, after all). Love those breasts and thighs, though. Thanks for the fun read, Elyse. Jim P.S. I suppose it might be a dangerous thing for me to ask but ... what's next? |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Elyse you have a one track mind. You probably gained ten pounds just writing it though most likely you lost weight. I hate to complain, but do you realize how bad this will traumatize my brother. Just mention the word grocery store and he begins to walk stiff legged. Food and sex is that all you think of, don't you realize their are much more serious topics like baseball. Hey I wonder if the Braves won. As always I enjoy your quick wit and insatiable appetites. And Jim give her a break on the typos. This is a deliberate thing on her part trying to take some of the pressure off me. Godbless you sweet elyse for not being perfect. your biggest fan forrest |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Got stuck on 'we hadn't fish' but otherwise a great poem. Jim, Cars? Of course, it's about cars. What else could it be about? Brad |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
no no, you are both wrong, this is a poem about cantelopes. how could you be so silly? its like, soooo obvious yeah, i know forrest, you'll just have to do his shopping for him. i think we've covered all the food groups now, there's no corner of the market he can hide in. btw, i thought i DID proofread. i told forrest to keep his misspelling cooties away from me. bad forrest! no brownies for you! luv Elyse |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
...naughty Elyse LOL, that little devil of your's really got loose on this one ...I believe it was about cars, a tempist ...James there's still hope, you just have to become a vegetarian! ...Elyse that wasn't nice, Forrest takes your side on typos and you take away the brownies as punishment I have to admit, I would never have thought of chicken when it came to writing about cream, I really enjoyed it debbie Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unkn |
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
uh.. if this is about cars, can y'all tell me where I can obtain one, or maybe 2, even 3? Some meal.. some meal. I am convinced that I've got to have this one on my mend-you. I hope you don't mind.. I enjoyed this. Agree with Brad.. got stuck on the fish reference, maybe you could drop or replace. YeshuJah*) |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
unlike brad and yesh i didn't get stuck on fish ..tho i hate the stuff .. there were a few places though that the meter seemed a bit off this for instance: "Stand back" he says, of course I do, and watch him as he works He's reachin past the pickles where the whipping cream lurks seems to be missing something in the second line? maybe a couple of other stumbly bits as well .. and really in a piece like this you need to be able to flow on and on .. undistracted ~smirk~ meanwhile I have never seen from you elyse such a forrest (ha ha gawd i'm funny ) of spelling errors .. your hands shaking a little dear ??? LOL ... so, like someone else said, "what's next?" P |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
Elsye Again you and food and erotic sidesteping has led me to chase my wife around the kitchen. It is a fun poem. Thanks for the kick EJ |
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
um, i think it'd be a bit silly to analyze this poem to much by saying, like, its not funny 'cos theres a syllable out of place... As for the content, i was pleasantly suprised to find absolutely no trace of the vilely subversive and depraved gutter poetry of the Peaches and A Dark Desire tradition. I think the critical judgements thusfar have been quite amiss. Clearly, Elyse, you have constructed a masterpiece piece discussing ethnic tensions withing a multicultural society using the metaphor of food... I must warn you, elyse, if indeed this poem does have ribald lewd and shameful signifiers within it which i in my angelic innocence cannot detect, then i will be most dissappointed. Just think of the childern! the children Elyse the children!!! -Tim [This message has been edited by Tim Gouldthorp (edited 07-10-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
it's CA ...... there's a syllable outta place (or two) ... AND it's hilariously funny..... |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
nowhere but here could a poem such as this be criticised on its technical aspects. i love this place to tell you why the meter's all funky, when i was writing this, i had this little beat going in my head. i cant explain, it kinda came out like it was a rap or something. and the fish thing...well...i had already resorted to the rhyming dictionary, and it was the best i could do debbie - you're right, im past help. to think of using chicken in this way - there's surely a 12 step group i should go to (but who would, when this is such fun?) yeshujah - ok, i give in, its about cars. you can get cars of this make and model only at Wilcock Body, the car shop where we make any car to your precise specifications philip - but i thought this poem was all about getting people...distracted james - always glad to be helpful, especially in that way tim - thank you for being the only one here at this site mature and perceptive enough to understand the poignant metaphor i painstakingly constructed involving the meat and the cream. i certainly dont mean to stroke your ego, but seeing as you're the only man big enough to understand the two rounded methaphors crafted over many long, hard, hours, and didnt bite at the bone those gutter brained individuals have spent so long sucking the marrow from, i feel congratulations are in order. luv Elyse [This message has been edited by Elyse (edited 07-10-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
"to tell you why the meter's all funky, when i was writing this, i had this little beat going in my head" yeah yeah ..keep talking elyse and you might even convince yourself ..... sure it wasn't anything to do with those meat and cream metaphors and ohhhh such heat .. ; p PS was the beat really in your head ?? ..lol [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 07-10-2000).] |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
bonjour elyse "absolutely no trace of the vilely subversive and depraved gutter poetry of the Peaches and A Dark Desire tradition." whoa tim...sorry have to comment here, subversive and depraved would be lying on the kitchen floor and going for it!! What tradition? Elyse we've started a tradition Be careful, if you continue reading such lewd and vile postings your angelic halo might start to slip. ...I consider them poems done for fun if anyone finds them vile and depraved then maybe it's who is interpretating them. Where's your mind at!!! I'm truly disappointed that someone would take what I wrote here seriously Tim was using what I would call cut and dry sarcastic humor(at least I hope he was)...I was just doing the same thing, thats why I put the reference to the halo & going for it on the kitchen floor...in french it doesn't sound serious Shame on you P! debbie [This message has been edited by mysticharm (edited 07-10-2000).] |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
yup debbie you sure do .. LOL .. and make it a double espresso .. P |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
and what a wonderful tradition it is too. im thinking of putting out a distinguished volume of verse entitled "Naughty Poems: Food for the Gutter Mind" we've made a good start just on this site. three women spring to mind as possible contrbutors - Mmlle debbie, the lovely Kris, and Elyse the brownie girl, but i feel we could use something bawdy from the members of the male persuasion on this site. c'mon boys, up to the challenge? (we already know brad can be eloquent about legs, so it shouldnt be too hard for him ) luv Elyse |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
I DIDN'T i tell ya!! it was just a double bluff to keep alive the "misunderstanding routine" .... now lemme alone ... i'm harmless ...heh heh ... which reminds me whenever i read this stanza of the chess sestina: "Cutting as a pike through flesh her gaze bored to the flank where, with castellated head and side of midnight dye, the ghastly Rook slid up the open file. "Beware the Gruenfeld Gambit; ware the Mate," a warning hiss behind me in the rank." i always read "thigh" for "file" thanks mainly i guess to the recent influence of Mamselles Deborah and Elysium ... P |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
LOL...Philip just when I won my first game since I read your poem, now it's stuck in my head again...geez ...the book sounds interesting LOL, but your right a contribution from the male perspective could be fun if any are up to it ...imagine reading pawnorgraphic into a cake, peaches and cream...FOR SHAME GUYS debbie debbie Think of saying "I Love You" as always being overdue. Love is a gift, not an obligation. unknown |
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