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Critical Analysis #1
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True Reality
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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True Reality |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
True Reality Nothingness the art of non-thinking Turn off the internal self speak Listen to God or Devils a choice or not Goodbye earth, light, dark, self critique Darkness points to light, a speck against the night Hear the hum louder it becomes the middle "C" The first sound, the music of your soul's master Yearn to feel the truth open your heart see reality James Cain 2000 |
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| © Copyright 2000 eldridgejackson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Perfetly done and good flow. It`s almost unfair for me to comment because having journied partway with you am going to say it's your best but their will be many parts to follow. This is going to be an interesting/scare you to death series of true poems. Still this stands on it's own merits. forrest cain good write bro |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Hi James Would your poem be similar to what I do on many days when the kids are LOUD lol, close my eyes and pray for an escape from reality, it doesn't matter where, if my innervoice says your off to Hawaii, I'm gone  I liked this poem...I haven't quite learned yet how to explain the technical aspects of my liking, disliking or being neutral about what someone writes, for now I can only tell you I did enjoy it! debbie Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unkn |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
Thanks Debbie Once many years ago I was meditating and This happened to me. It changed my life. Except for the monkey fetish James |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Nicely done Sir.  Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP "Everything is your own damn fault, if you are any good." E. Hemmingway |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
Thanks JP I appreciate the kind comment. James |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Does this poem relate to the Janus poem. forrest |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
Yes It was the start of my decent into the realm of Madness or the reality I was experiencing at the time. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
An interesting piece that gets caught up in an awkward syntax -- punctuation might help. What seems odd though is your use of commas in the last line of the first stanza but don't use them in other places. Nothingness, the art of non-thinking, Turn off the internal self -- speak -- Listen to God or Devils, a choice, perhaps not? Goodbye earth, light, dark, self critique. Darkness points to light, a speck against the night, Hear the hum, louder it becomes, the middle "C" The first sound, the music of your soul's master. Yearn to feel the truth open your heart see reality Uh, maybe not. I think you probably have to rework the whole thing. Just an opinion, Brad |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
 This person is coming out of darkness, oblivion, mental illnesss, drug OD??? Can't quite grasp it... Did an alarm wake them up? Anyway, maybe a few adverbs or -ing's along with the commas that Brad mentioned might help do the trick? To turn, Listening, choosing, and self critique, as it becomes, Yearning, opening, to see... Just an idea... I am sure that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel. Bob <>< [This message has been edited by Lighthousebob (edited 07-09-2000).] |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
Brad you are right or not. Thanks for the input. It does need reworked but it is a start. It is hard to describe air when you have lived your life in water. Bob It is about how meditaion without direction can be dangerous. As you see in Janus the Two faced Demon you can never tell who might step in. And there is nothing like a Demon in your consciouness to start the morning off on the wrong foot. Thanks for the input. James |
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