»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Metamorphosis (Re-write of The Butterfly)
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Metamorphosis (Re-write of The Butterfly) |
|
|
Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA 
|
I posted "The Butterfly" back in late December, the new version still has the main images and thoughts, however, I polished it up so there are no longer constant lines of "I Wish," although there are still some lines because I needed to show the intense longing, and I have added new lines as well  ~METAMORPHOSIS~ If only I could know how it felt to stand before my bedroom window, touch my hand to the inviting glass, and leave this caterpillar body. If only I could fulfill my heart's desire to escape this sickly skin, for emptiness and ugliness to seep out of my tired veins to be replaced by beauty and ecstasy, to delight in the enchantment of spreading my splendourous wings for the first time, to fly beaneath the heavens, to be careless, to soar. If only I knew how it felt to hear the first morning song of the lustrous red-breasted robin, nestled in the trees, like a musicbox playing a passionate melody in my newborn ears. If only I could know how it would feel to suckle on the dew from the white breast of a rose, a taste of paradise, flowing like liquid poetry upon my tongue, to be lured by the sweet, exotic fragrance of a peach satined blossom, feeling it's silky layers engulf me in it's everlasting love, to embrace the magnificence of feeling magnolia leaves gently caressing my glorious wings, like God's fingertips to the golden strings of a harp, brushing softly against the palette of my colours. If only I could feel the mist of the clouds tears, trickling down from the deep blue sky to dance across my face. If only I knew how it would feel for my slender body to marinate in the wide open air -to glide, to be greeted by the warmth of the crimson yellow sun and by the chill of the wind, penetrating my long spine, to ingest the crispness of the autmn air above the clouds, grand and marvelous the rapture, and to flutter over the rich turquoise waters and through ardent fields of emerald, vivid beyond imagination, rejuvenating my once weary heart. If only I could journey to the ends of the earth to find glory and peace, forevermore, where pain and sorrow and loneliness no longer exist, I wish I could know how it would feel to digest freedom, If only I knew how it felt to finally be free, ever graceful, as a butterfly *By Melissa Honeybee* The beauty of poetry gives me wings to fly |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Melissa P. Long-Monette - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Hi Melissa ...are you very near Georgetown? I haven't had the chance to hunt down your original version but I intend to soon, your poem reminds me very much of a class assignment we had to do in creative writing, express in poetic form what a cocoon would be like in terms of the world we live in and then breaking free to a world we could create. I liked this very much...you have some very beautiful descriptive lines although I found it a tad over kill...this is only my opinion Melissa and believe me I am in no way qualified to give you advice  debbie Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unkn |
||
|
Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Hi Debbie, my fellow Canadian, I'm glad that you liked this. I live in Ontario probably about 2 hours away from Georgetown. And no, this wasn't a class assignment for me, I just wrote it in 15 minutes last summer, it all poured out of me, because I was writing about myself and my situation at the time. Take care, Melissa Honeybee The beauty of poetry gives me wings to fly |
||
|
Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Melissa, You have a very descriptive poem here. I like the title 'metamorphosis.' I also like the format you use, its got line breaks so its not really a 'prose poem' but with its long lines it come close. I'd agree also it might be worth toning it down a bit, just in a few places so the really vivid images stand out more. Take care -Tim |
||
|
Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
a [This message has been edited by Tim Gouldthorp (edited 07-07-2000).] |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
