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Touch Not The Cat
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Touch Not The Cat |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
Touch not the cat, Tis a warning fairly given The wounds she inflicts Cut straight to the heart. Touch not the cat, Hunter heed this advice She cares not who she bites In her own hunger and her pain. Touch not the cat, Your heart you will hold forfeit And will all be for naught In the endless hours before dawn. Touch not the cat, You will spend your life regretting The sacrifices you made to her pain For you cannot touch her soul. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Paula Finn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Paula. I think this poem has a lot to say and I am sure that you can say it. A few suggestions: drop the repetition of the first line(touch not the cat), it is distracting and tedious. You can also try to integrate the whole idea so it flows as one. As it is now, it comes across as disjointed. I say all of the above sincerely, I hope you understand. Keep working at it. YeshuJah*) |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
I think I'll go with something safe like a pitbull. Liked your poem,listening to that bad first line is the price you had to pay to hear the second one of praise. But the cat is it an analogy for love, I think thats what your inferring. If not whst. your friend forrest |
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Paula Finn Member Ascendant
since 2000-06-17
Posts 5546missouri |
YeshuJah...I'm not sure I meant this so flow smoothly...it is a rough hard emotion meant to distract Forrest...you dont like the first line either? An anology? All I know is when I wrote it I was hurt angry and feeling plenty mean lol |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
Paula: I didn't like the first line either but think I would be okay with it if you did away with the repetition. Just an opinion. Your word inversions and occassional archaic word and phrase usage (Touch not ... Tis ... She cares not ... Your heart your will hold ... naught) added to the distraction that YeshuJah described as "disjointed". Disjointed isn't necessarily bad, by the way. Read a little bit of Dylan Thomas and you will see what I mean. Actually, Thomas is an excellent example for you to see how someone can make a seemingly disjointed poem work. Write what you feel. Don't try to force the words you write to sound "poetic" (words like "soul", "heart", "tis" and "naught" are evidence of this type of trying). You have experienced strong feelings and have good writing ability. I want to see what you can do with those two assets.  Jim |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Overall liked this poem I don't have a real strong feeling of dislike for the first line. I would leave it if I were you. I would guess this is about a bad romance and hope to hear you purring soon. Again I have no recllection of not liking the first line, but there it is in writing. I unsay what I said about the first line. luv forrest [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 07-06-2000).] |
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