»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Do You ????
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Do You ???? |
|
|
naynay Junior Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 13whitewright tx usa |
Do you Do you wonder ? Do you think ? Do you cry ? Do you hurt ? Do you love ? Do you like being loved ? Do you understand ? Do you ever stair at the sky "hoping" the clouds Will erace all the pain from your heart my love, My love fills for you but all it fills is their is nuthing their and all I can do is give you my space. Tearful night's I cry my self to sleep only yo find you in my dreams and then i awake to a scream sences you are not with me I can run form you but you will always be their but not with me wheir I can see you but within my dreams along with the words of your voice that say my darling I love you !!! By Candy williams each poem i wright is from my heart and i hope you enjoy them as much as i do< !signature--> [This message has been edited by naynay (edited 06-30-2000).] |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Candy Renae Williams - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
amazon_lover Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 491Dublin,Ireland |
Nice one nay..though not very lyrical I like your questioning style and wanting to know things.. Sincerely a_l |
||
|
YeshuJah Malikk Member
since 2000-06-29
Posts 263 |
Candy, the emotions in these lines come across as strong but would benefit from a tighter format. I agree with the last post. Make this lyrical and re-post. I'll look for it. |
||
|
naynay Junior Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 13whitewright tx usa |
Well I dont see anything wrong with the poem and for me to change it at all it has been pub in 6 books and on many other things and i just dont see what u think is wrong with the poem and if you would like to tell me then i will be glad to hear it. |
||
|
Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
whoah honey! dont be so antagonistic. its hard to get used to people criticizing your work, it took me years to pry myself off my superiority complex and realize they were trying to help and sometimes were right (not that im saying that you have a superiority complex or anything, just me) I understand your pride in your work, CA is all about other people suggesting changes to your poems though, and if you find that bothers you, (we can get kinda picky) you might like another forum better. im sure YeshuJah was just trying to be helpful. luv Elyse **BTW youve got a few spelling boo boos - erase is spelled like that, and stare is spelled like that for the way you use it. myself is one word, there should be spelled like that for that useage, where is spelled like this, and i think you meant senses instead of sences. [This message has been edited by Elyse (edited 06-30-2000).] |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
As Elyse said, are you sure you're in the right forum? This forum is for discussion and suggestions about poetry with the poem as a starting point. If you'd like me to move it to the Open forum, just let me know.  Really, though, I think you need to clean up that spelling. Oh, making it more lyrical means making it more musical. Thanks a lot, Brad |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
