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Critical Analysis #1
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Glitter
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Glitter |
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brian madden Member Elite
since 2000-05-06
Posts 4374ireland 
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All the dust on my brow turns slowly to stars dazzling in streams of blurred glitter. He grows here loving and kind I am resting happily in my arms, doting over all my pretty charms. Boys of the sunshine kiss sweet lips of their own kind. Bizarre fruit I taste here from a bosom to my brow. We clear our minds to gaze at the stars dancing in twilight. Another dawn closes in as we push along with the mountains of bodies. Love in a fashion love in a vanity, injected with the fiery arrows of eyes. Burn a hole in my chest under companion's breast I curl up happy on my knees. I wouldn’t pray for I need nothing. As the stars turn to glitter we are complete. "monuments put from pen to paper turns me into a gutless wonder" Manic street preachers [This message has been edited by brian madden (edited 06-28-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 brian madden - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Brian, Sorry we let this one slip. This has the potential to be a really strong poem but I think it needs to clearly define the images presented. One of the problems with this type of fabulism is that you have to be clear, absolutely clear. I don't think this one quite gets there -- maybe the pronound usage is confusing me. I also think some punctuation might help. Just a suggestion, Brad |
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one thirty New Member
since 2000-07-27
Posts 2 |
Yor visuals are beautiful and creativity runs rampant. New spin on celestial themes, good flow. |
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