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When I am gone
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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When I am gone |
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naynay Junior Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 13whitewright tx usa |
When I am gone !! When I am gone release me And let me go I have so many Things to see and so you must'nt Lie to yourself to me with tears Be happy that we had so many beautiful years, I give to you my love you can Only guess how much you gave to Me in happiness I thank you for The love you each have shown but Now it's time I travel on - Alone So grieve for me a while if you Must then let your heart be comforted By trust it's only for a while that We must part so bless the memories Within your heart I wont be far away, for life gose on So if you need me call I will come Though you can not see me nor touch me I Will be near and if you lisson with In your heart You will hear all of my love Around you soft and clear and Then when you must come this away Alone I will greet you with a smile And say WELCOME HOME ! by candy renae williams note  thank you to my friends who helped me wright this poem my dear friend had been killed in a car acenent and i was havein a very hard time in copping with her death so we sat down about 5 years ago and we wrote this it has been published in a book and news papers all over the usa and i left it as auther unknown well i thought it was time i told everyone that it was me who wrote it because then at the time it just killed me to even say the name of the poem and now it dose not hurt to much to read it or talk about her thay even read it at her memorial and i was so hurt and that was why i had left it auther unknown i hope this poem is ok and my other poems may not be as good couse i had no help with them like i did with this one.< !signature--> [This message has been edited by naynay (edited 06-28-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 Candy Renae Williams - All Rights Reserved | |||
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allan Senior Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 620On the road |
The sentiments expressed in your poem are very lovely Candy.  I would only recommend you do something like the following with the format... When I am gone When I am gone release me and let me go I have so many things to see Please don't remember me with tears Be happy we had so many beautiful years I give to you my love you can only guess how much You gave to me in happness I thank you all for the love you each have shown but now it's time I travel on alone So greave for me a while if you must Then let your heart be comforted by trust It's only for a while that we must part so bless the memories within your heart I wont be far away, for life goes on So if you need me call I will come Though you can't see me nor touch me I will be near And if you listen within your heart you will hear all of my love around you soft and clear And then when you must come this away alone I will great you with a smile and say WELCOME HOME ! [This message has been edited by allan (edited 06-27-2000).] |
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jbouder Member Elite
since 1999-09-18
Posts 2534Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash |
naynay: I noticed this is your first post and realize that this poem is of a very personal nature to you. I will be happy to critique your poem but before I do so I want to be sure you understand the guidelines of this forum. Please give them a read and if you still would like me to give the poem a detailed critique I will. Like allan, I was touched by the sentiments in your poem. Jim |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Hi naynay, I want to add my "Welcome to CA." You have expressed beautiful sentimentality here and I think these things can be extremely difficult to write without going overboard. Jim has already offered a critique but I still want to suggest you make use of your spell checker. Will come back to this one later and hope to see more from you. Pete |
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