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The Long Road Home 1
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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The Long Road Home 1 |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
we`ve had miracles a time of coverless comic books and homemade Christmas ornaments and magical mornings of brand new bicycles and banana nut bread and fruit salad and sleigh rides down winding hills of whitest snow, chasing the ridge past moon-shadowed trees. we`ve had miracles sliding on cardboard down hills of green and flying June bugs, on threaded legs against bluest skies, the sun warm on our upturned faces and we`ve dammed the small stream that flows from rock spring, until the water backed up and flooded the road. we`ve had miracles "From the shores of Gitche Gumme to the shining big sea water." papier-mache opossums and baseball games that lasted till dark or the ball was lost in the weeds or over the hill. and icy glasses of "Kool-aid Kool-aid tastes great." we`ve had miracles last days of school and grapevine swings and cabins in the woods we`ve played in the warm summer rain until nearing thunder and flashes of lightening hurried us home and we`ve held jars of light as we chased the flickering firefly through the darkening night. we`ve had miracles dad singing the Hawaiian war chant and playing the harmonica and laughter as he danced the Korean foot-rot two step shuffle and tall glasses of sweet milk with cornbread and sugar and Sunday nights with little Joe and Hoss and Marlon Perkins and Saturday morning cartoons with Elmer and Bugs and beep-beep the Road runner. we`ve had miracles family reunions at grandma`s and tall tales of giant catfish and ferocious bears and how the last werewolf was killed shot through the heart by a silver bullet in New Mexico by Uncle Joe. and faster than a speeding bullet able to leap tall buildings at a single bound our hero`s Superman and Popeye and Mighty Mouse and Dad and Ernest and Uncle Chan "Here they come to save the day." we`ve had miracles one potato, two potato, three potato, four and one- two- three on Bobby or James or me go-sheepy-go ready or not here I come. and we`ve cracked hickory nuts and picked blackberries until distant shouts called us home to cobbler pies and Mom`s blue eyes smiling down at our berried mouths. we`ve had miracles we`ve sang the songs and lived the dreams and felt the lightly rain and wind in our hair we`ve tramped the hills and fought the fights and together stood side by side undaunted - unafraid come what may we`ve had miracles. Part one of the poem "The Long Road Home." forrest cain 1999 [This message has been edited by Forrest Cain (edited 06-25-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 O. Forrest Cain - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
 Forrest,These are memories cerainly worth passing down to future generations. Here are my suggestions: (courtesy of spell check.) You might want to capitalize all the proper names like Christmas, June bugs, Sunday, Saturday, Elmer, Bugs, Roadrunner, Superman, Popeye, Mighty Mouse, and even Dad if you like. Some typos that I found are opossums, till, Hawaiian, and the first potato. I think you might want undaunted for undaughted? Forrest, does any of your computer software have spell check? I am like you, I can't spell worth beans and potatatos... but with spell check, I just push a button and all my spelling errors are corrected. So, don't think I'm smart... I just took your poem and plugged it into spell check. Just a suggestion. Bob <>< |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Lighthousebob thank you for taking the time to read this rather lengthy poem(and this is only the first half) about times me and my brother, (Eldridge Jackson) spent together growing up. Thanks for correcting my spelling errors. I`m sure I have spell check and can find it everywhere but this forum. I`ll probablly finish the second less than pleasant part of this tomorrow or Sunday. Enjoy your material and thanks for the comments I`ll try to refrain from bad jokes in the future but no guarantee`s. Your friend forrest |
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Well Forrest, I think your poem clearly expresses the 'miracle' (a good description) of your childhood experiences. Many of these experiences seem personal to you and might better be understood by someone who knows about them, but the underlying experience behind these instances I think is pretty much universal. I don't know where your going with this poem but perhaps you you might connect the miraculous experiences you describe in some way to your present life. Just a suggestion. Good work anyway. -Tim |
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eldridgejackson Member
since 2000-04-30
Posts 91 |
My favorite poem. I was there it was exactly like that. Of course you should have put more about your wonderful brother in the poem. To give it more class. You need to fire up your word processing program. Write your poem there hit spell checker. Then hit select all then copy and then post it here. It will save you time. Of course the part about Gitchie Gummie the poem Hiawatha that we had to memorize as children was really not all that pleasant or miraculous. I think to get the effect of this poem one has to hear the entire thing. I like the flow. It is long but it hooked me and kept me reading the first time I read it. I think younger folks under 35 would be hard pressed to relate to a lot of the miracles. Good write but you failed to mention the visit of the monkey to Mt. Ovas and how it pooped on the Principal (I thought that was a very important comment on our early education) James aka eldrigejackson |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Tim thanks for your comments. Yes I`m taking this poem a little further. Initially it was written for my brother at a down time in my life when I was diagnosed with hepatitis C and thought I was not long for the world. (Bad information as it turns out, at least for me) but my brother and I survived/lived much together and it was therapeutic to write . The Long Road Home encompasses the miracles as well as the horrors of being raised in an alcoholic family. Our Mother has a disease called Lupus and would exhibit very scary behavior for small children at times. see "We Need Miracles." |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Forrest, I'm a big believer in writing as therapy, and it is evident here that it seemed to help you. When someone is faced with a life-changing crisis, often memories of good (and bad) times can come flooding back. This says a great deal about your relationship with your brother...both of you should feel very lucky to have each other, your memories, and your miracles. Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi forrest! i liked the way this sounds like inside jokes, (even tho, as yer bro said, im too young for many) with the quick refrences and such. its very much a picture of life as you lived it. still, i dont like the repetition of "we've had miracles" on every stanza. i think its the meter of it. see how most of the stanzas it's attached to have longer lines? id keep it on the first, last, and "familiy reunion" ones definitely. you could sprinkle in a few more, even if you did it every other stanza that'd be good too. to get specific... id cut the "and" from the beginning of lines 4 and 5. you got a little and happy there. dont worry, it happens to everyone  . actually, you might consider snipping the ands from the fronts of more lines, or in other places where its not strictly needed. you can take out pronouns sometimes, example: "our upturned faces" becomes just "upturned faces" or even "faces upturned". also, i notice alot of "the"s some of those can come out if ya want and i think you say have sung. thats all i got luv Elyse |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Good advice Elyse I will follow most of these suggestions. But not now I`m to tired. I`m going to start writing skinnier poems in the future. I`m just working you to hard. You are one of a kind. luv forrest |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
This is GREAT Forrest. I like your trip, there are a lot of miracles and memories I had forgotten. Fishing with my brothers, Grandma's banana nut bread, oh my gosh I had forgotten the game one potato, two potato... We are both very lucky  lighthousebob, where do you see an error in one potato...now, first potato is wrong, maybe you should spell check your spell check, just a suggestion. I have to ask you, what is a papier-mache opossums?< !signature--> Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unkn [This message has been edited by mysticharm (edited 06-27-2000).] |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Mysticharm thanks for your very kind words. In defence of lighthousebob I corrected this probably before you read it. And papier-mache oppossums are made from coat hangers , flour paste and old newspaper. Part of our Hiawatha project. Your friend forrest |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Hi Forrest I remember doing paper mache in school, they were fun to do My apologies lighthousebob  just call me mrs.potatohead < !signature-->Never underestimate the Power of Purpose. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That's why it's called the 'Present' unkn [This message has been edited by mysticharm (edited 06-29-2000).] |
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