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Critical Analysis #1
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Footprints "What do you think??
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Footprints "What do you think?? |
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LarBear Member
since 2000-06-23
Posts 138Kingston, New York 
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Our footprints walk together side by side Hand in hand Heart to heart Feelings of love Feelings of passion Our footprints need no asking These prints do not follow They walk together Slowly one by one Slowly step by step From far to near From one to a hundred Our footprints are not too many These prints walk forward Parallel and in motion Ocean waves cover them Ocean breeze’s blend them In unison they will go In tandem they will fade Our Footprints somehow remain Still together these prints travel Making paths, they sway Holding on, hand in hand Holding memories a lifetime As hands, soon loosen As fingers gently slide free Our footprints will drift apart Not knowing where they go These prints may walk free Around obstacles they roam Alone, a single print travels Some might find the other Some could stray away Our footprints will find each other Our footprints will walk together [This message has been edited by LarBear (edited 06-23-2000).] |
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| © Copyright 2000 LarBear - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Poet deVine
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-05-26
Posts 22612Hurricane Alley |
Welcome to Passions! I'm not good at critiquing but I'm great on welcoming newbies to the family. Please check your email for a special message.  |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
And I'm the critical guy (and often the criticized guy). First, welcome to Passions. Second, I'll only offer a few suggestions this time around: 1. Concentrate more on the shape of the footprints walking together and less on what they symbolize. If you do this well, the reader we'll be able to figure that out. 2. Without any punctuation, it sounds like your footprints are walking hand in hand. This could be a great surreal poem if that is what you intended but I think you need to develop it more. If not, think about using some punctuation to clarify and separate the images. 3. This poem doesn't really contain any tension. Again, if you want to do the surreal thing (which I encourage), I suggest you show the footprints walking away from each other in a more detailed fashion--anthropomorphize them even more than you already have them. Give them personalities. I think that would be a lot of fun. Just an opinion, Brad |
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Welcome LarBear! I can't really add anything to what Brad said, but i think the idea with the footprints is nice. -Tim |
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LarBear Member
since 2000-06-23
Posts 138Kingston, New York |
In response to Brad, I accept your critiques on the poem; however, the symbolism in the poem is exactly the point I was trying to make. Two people in lives journey when they lose each other for one reason or another, then they retake the paths they started together. As far as punctuation goes, you are right, alittle here and there, would stress the poem in a more grandeur way. The tension is not there because it was not intended or focused on, but rather the beauty of two people finding each other again. You could be right though, with tension it could be more dramatic. One last thing Brad, what is a surreal poem? I enjoy putting into words deep feelings. This whole poem thing is new, and with alittle help from people like you, I may become a better writer. Thank you for your comments, LarBear |
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naynay Junior Member
since 2000-06-27
Posts 13whitewright tx usa |
I liked it it was very good u got to the point and got to it quick and i think all readers enjoy that your good and i would not change a thing candy ( naynay ) |
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