»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Week-Weary
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Week-Weary |
|
|
Cowgirl Jane New Member
since 2000-06-15
Posts 8 |
I am week-weary. I am a drone who Drones five days a week and Lives (on the side). I am a small-stakes, all-the-time, round-the-clock rebel, A monkey wrencher in compartmentalized, tit-for-tat living. I encourage my two lives to mix and mingle, To toe their lines, To postmodernize themselves into the jungle, jumble, of truth. I walk to work in sneakers and leave them on, all day. Daydream wildly on my lunch hour. Post poetry on the kitchen bulletin board. Refuse to let greyness of walls and carpet leach into my heart. I have limits, as do we all. Would not wear sneakers to a meeting. I am a small-time rebel. A two-hour lunch rebel. Looking through the glass ceiling between what is "office appropriate" and the brother and sisterhood of humanity. For what does glass matter if we can see through it? Tit, for TAT. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 Cowgirl Jane - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
 Cowgirl Jane,Catchy title and I love your words to space relationship. One small point; I think that I would do something with the sneakers. Leave them on all day or take them off for meetings. Maybe set some other personal limitation for the meetings? I enjoy the daydreamer mentality that your poem leaves me feeling at the end. Bob <>< |
||
|
JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
This was utterly fantastic! I loved every word, every line, every nuance! It has been a long time since I have read something that just twanged a string inside like this piece did.  Well done. Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP "Everything is your own damn fault, if you are any good." E. Hemmingway |
||
|
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Been there, done that, took on a different perspective, but recall it all the same! Good job! Sunshine ~~~Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. Helen Keller ~~~ |
||
|
db Junior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 13 |
CGJ i enjoyed this especially the first half which was quite snappy. the second half seemed to drag a little with the several lengthy lines, especially that 'office appropriate' one toward the end. other than that... Regards Dan |
||
|
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Jane, I loved this! So many of us feel this way, and you said it well. "Tit-for tat living" I take as meaning having to give in (perhaps to our principles)to get what we need in return i.e. a paycheck, etc. I liked this line a lot: "For what does glass matter if we can see through it?" I also liked the short line: "Lives (on the side)" Nice work here, Jane. I look forward to more. From one small time rebel to another, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
||
|
jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
cowgirl jane-- i liked the first half of the poem, especially the line "Lives (on the side)." the piece seemed to lose some energy after the first long stanza, though. i thought the lines "I encourage my two lives to mix and mingle, / To toe their lines" were somewhat at odds; to me, encouraging something to "toe the line" suggests a desire for conformance, for things staying in their proper place, rather than mixing and mingling. i also think postmodernism can mean quite a lot of different things depending on context and can be quite a difficult concept to summarize, and that, consequently, the speaker's encouraging his/her two lives "to postmodernize themselves into the / jungle / jumble / of truth" is kind of vague here, and doesn't actually add a lot of substance to the piece. to say that walking to work in sneakers and leaving them on all day is small-time rebellion is quite an understatement, lol. the rest of that stanza was pretty good, though. the ending seemed kind of a let down. for starters, i thought the long line starting with "looking through the glass cieling..." was pretty awkward. secondly, the question "for what does glass matter if we can see through it?" has the feel of a merely rhetorical question, and the final "tit, for / TAT" seems to comfirm that the "glass" doesn't really matter so much. but isn't it the "glass cieling" here that compartmentalizes the speaker's life, and makes him/her want to "rebel" in the first place? by saying, then (apparently), that the glass doesn't matter because the speaker can see through it, the poem seems to say (to me) that the speaker is content to sit around monkey-wrenching five days a week, being an office drone, as long as he/she can at least see through to the "brother and sisterhood of humanity." which, in my mind, makes the speaker's little acts of "rebellion" seem REALLY small-time and, in the end, kind of pointless. as i see it, the glass as you describe it DOES (or should) matter, and the speaker's daydreams, poems and sneakers should not be thought of as just silly little things the speaker does on the "office" side, but as ways in which the speaker tries to bring "humanity" on over through the barrier. in other words, everything in the poem up until the end suggests that it should NOT be enough to just look at "humanity" through the glass. that is the feeling i get from the piece, anyway, but i think this idea is muddled or betrayed by the closing lines. i don't know, maybe the point of the whole piece is to subtly satirize those who are content to be merely "small-time rebels;" if so, i don't think it quite comes off. maybe i'm just misreading the piece, especially the ending (this is entirely possible, lol). at all events, i might think about revising the last three lines, especially the "tit, for / TAT", and making your conclusion a little clearer. ok, i'll shut up now. jenni |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I pretty much agree with Jenni. I don't understand what 'office appropriate' is meant to connote. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that while the speaker may not want to cross the glass ceiling, many other people do and that makes glass very important. I would argue that if this is a poem of rebellion in quiet submission, there's a sense of futility that bothers me. Do any of the little rebellions actually contribute to some larger change? The character doesn't seem to care. I think you need to add a little more tension for this to be more effective. I'm reminded of a conversation I had with a professor who argued that 'Row, row, row your boat' was nihilstic. It may not be nihilistic but it is asocial. The rhythm, however, works quite well for me. thanks, Brad |
||
|
Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi cowgirl! i liked this, and have to agree that the first part is much stronger. i was totally with you until "to toe their lines". It seemed to me that after "i encourage my lives to mix and mingle" there was a "but" coming. and to me, "toe their lines" speaks of fighting and opposition (have you seen Far and Away? i reckon thats where that comes from. anyway...) and, i dont know what it means to "postmodernize", i havent a clue about the characteristics of that era or what you mean by that. (not your fault o'course, im just sayin) i would take out the "we all have limits" stanza all together. i dont think you need it, all that is implied by the actions outlined in the stanza before it. also, im not a big fan of the last few lines either. i like the easy wearyness of the previous stuff, and especially the third to last line kinda dashes that and trys pushing towards optimism and hope and action. i find that to be at odds with the cooler elements of what you have. plink plink go my two cents  luv Elyse ps, brad, i looked nihilism up and still have no clue what it means. but i like your new word. i think i will steal it and use it all the time.  |
||
|
Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Cowgirl Jane, I agree that the first part is better, in that it is clearer. I'd get rid of postmodernize or make it clearer in what way postmodern-it means so many things that by itself it means nothing. If you just mean bits and pieces of your life thrown together there is probably a better way of saying it. Anyway, nice work! -Tim |
||
|
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Sorry Jane, but I'd like to address jenni and Brad... If I'm interpreting Jane correctly, in today's world, most people cannot afford to be anything more than "small-time rebels". To bring about any type of change, one must work at it only in a limited amount of time, and with also "toeing the line"...going by the rules; otherwise you alienate yourself from those who may help your cause or those who may be helped by it. I interpret the glass ceiling, and Jane's following lines to mean that she know's we're all human, no one person better than anyone else, although she also knows others don't think that way. I do agree the ending could use some change. In the beginning she says she's a round the clock rebel, on a small scale, and at the end, a two hour lunch rebel. However, with a bit of tightening and clarifying, this could be a great poem. It's already a very good one, IMHO. Thanks, Jane, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
