the migration of the birds VI

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Critical Analysis #1

the migration of the birds VI

rene
Member

since 2000-04-24

Posts 113

0 posted 2000-06-18 09:10 PM

Raped by the reaches of far cemetry gates
I decided
warmed by the wall where the old moss grows
To take a ride
watch the stars blow out
in frantic light
and join them.

Everything now must end in disaster
I'm tired of making nothing
faster
People exist and only populate

Disaster is the true you
I'll show you I was real.

Marq
Member

since 1999-10-18

Posts 222

1 posted 2000-06-19 07:37 PM

We're all learning and growing as poets. I can't really make heads or tails out of this. I like 'warmed by the wall where the old moss grows' and 'watch the stars blow out/ in frantic light', though I admit I can't really see how they apply to anything in the poem. It seems like you're just using random words and lines mixed with straightforward declarations. My advice: Concentrate more on poetic beauty and a coherent theme. Just giving my opinion and trying to help -- no meanness intended.

)

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

2 posted 2000-06-21 09:51 AM

I found this a bit confusing.

Raped by the reaches of far cemetry gates
(not sure what that line means)

I decided
warmed by the wall where the old moss grows
To take a ride
(those 3 lines, I like)

watch the stars blow out
in frantic light
and join them.
(like that phrase in frantic light)

Everything now must end in disaster
I'm tired of making nothing
faster
People exist and only populate
(not sure what this means in the poem)

Disaster is the true you
I'll show you I was real.
(again, this is not clear)

Keep writing! I look forward to reading more from you.

Cowgirl Jane
New Member

since 2000-06-15

Posts 8

3 posted 2000-06-22 10:12 AM

Hi Rene,

I love some your words, especially the "stars" part. I too am a little confused by your meaning. The word rape is really loaded, think about that one carefully. The tone is very desperate, very dramatic--I like.

Jane

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