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Rainy Day
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Rainy Day |
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Clara Junior Member
since 2000-05-27
Posts 21England, but moving to Sweden this year |
OK this one hasn't been messed with....just straight as it came out, and that doesn't always work too well for me....see what you think Rainy Day Was gonna go out today Wander around my home town See some people But I changed my mind Why? Cos its raining Stayed home instead Surfed the net Read poems you had written Stories you've told Why? Cos its raining Read for a while A series you're reading too A book we spoke of A writer we discussed Why? Cos its raining Looked out the window Felt all snug, dry and warm Thought of talks we've had Of weather and water Why? Cos its raining Mmm feel good today So very glad to be alive Happy to be in love Thinking of you You know? I love the rain Clara |
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| © Copyright 2000 Clara - All Rights Reserved | |||
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amazon_lover Member
since 2000-04-09
Posts 491Dublin,Ireland |
hey I love rain and if possible love to make love in the rain...is there any place...gotta meet sometimes....lovely rain.. Sincerely A_L |
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JP Senior Member
since 1999-05-25
Posts 1343Loomis, CA |
Clara, do the literary world a favor and change the "Cos" to 'cause.... other than that - I liked it. Alot. Yesterday is ash, tomorrow is smoke; only today does the fire burn. JP |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Actually I like "Cos", although i think it should be "Coz" ....short for "becoz".....lol ..... (Cos reminds me of a lettuce as well!!) Coz has that kinda informal simple uncomplicated straightforward unshowy feel about it that fits with the speaker's mood ........... Clara .. a nice cheerful fresh ungloomy poem ...... like a breath of fresh rain..........lol thanks Philip |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
yeah, i agree with philip, but i wouldnt repeat "why?/cos its raining" all thru, id just put it once, because i think your last two lines sum up nicely, and connect. although, id have a comma instead of a ?mark after "you know" thanx for the read, luv Elyse Do I contradict myself? Very well then . . . . I contradict myself; I am large . . . . I contain multitudes. -Papa Walt |
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Clara Junior Member
since 2000-05-27
Posts 21England, but moving to Sweden this year |
Thanks everyone, I really appreciate you taking the time to read and comment  A_L I agree....rain is great for many reasons JP Thanks, glad you liked it Philip Lettuces? Hmmm hadn't made the connection but your right lol I like 'Coz' better than 'cause' too...it does suit the mood better Elyse I think your right, its a bit repetitive using those 2 lines all the way through, and a comma would work better I think...only reason I used a ? was to connect it to the ? in the repeating lines. Thanks again everyone |
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