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Shadow Men
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Shadow Men |
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
The night has certainly claimed you you fit right in with the shadow world and you are, indeed, one of the shadow men, clutching his bottle to his breast much like the baby you left behind... for his own self to fend. I saw you sleeping slack mouthed in the park papers sliding from your face, as you lost that which shielded you from the brightness, but the shadows were still there, like smudges upon your face... taking you over - much as night swallows day. What solace do you find in that brown bottle? Will it dull the pain and the ecstacy of a lifetime...filled up with the living dead? I know the vacant look in your eyes is brought on by the bottle, but who held the bottle to your thirsty mouth? |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jana Tovey - All Rights Reserved | |||
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Jana, This poem made me feel sad...for you, for your child, and also for him. He is ill, but cannot accept it. There is nothing you can do, and I know that must be extemely frustrating. As for the poem itself, I think it was very well-done. I liked the "shadow" analogy, and the imagery was good. The only suggestion I would make would be to tie that analogy somehow into the final line, for a conclusion with a little more impact. Nice work, Jana, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
I take it from the other reply to this message that this is about real experience, which I didn't expect. To me it seemed like you were merely observing and hypothesizing about what could have driven someone to that. I think it is quite an achievement to write something like this without it becoming obviously charged with personal emotion. I'm impressed! |
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
This isn't about my experience, thank goodness. It was pure fiction. |
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lotharingia Senior Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 897saarbruecken, Germany |
I'm glad about that! I was wondering how you could still write poetry! |
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connie higgins-kindle New Member
since 2000-06-05
Posts 1 |
I REALLY LIKE YOUR POEM, THE INSIGHT AND OBSERVATION OF SOMEONE WHO HAS GIVEN IT ALL AWAY FOR A BOTTLE--VERY WELL STATED. I ENJOYED THE THIRD VERSE AND THE QUESTIONS THAT WERE STATED --THEY SEEM TO SAY THAT I CAN NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS CHOICE HAS BEEN MADE. YOUR LAST LINE IS A WONDERFUL WAY OF ASKING IF THIS PERSON HAS LOOKED INSIDE FOR THE ANSWER TO WHY THEY ARE AT THIS POINT. VERY GOOD PIECE CONNIE |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Amazing that I read two poems about homeless people in a row. I find this one the stronger and liked the duality of the bottle here. It may be pure fiction to you but I know people like this. About my only complaint I can think of (right now) is a certain reliance on abstraction: much as night swallows day. --thought this was a bit too much. Will it dull the pain and the ecstacy of a lifetime...filled up with the living dead --think you might want to try for something a little more original. But these are minor quibbles for what is overall a very strong poem. Brad |
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mysticharm Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 189Canada |
Your poem strikes a very hard blow into the hearts of those who have lived this scenario. I disagree on one point...I don't believe its the men who devote their lives to the bottle who are in the shadows...I believe its the torn and dismantled family he has left behind who remains in the shadows. The first thought I had when I finished reading your poem was...this is a man being viewed through the eyes of a stranger and not through the eyes of a loved one. ....as I continued reading I was very glad to find out it wasn't a personal experience for you. It is a strong poem that so many are able to relate too *S* |
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Clara Junior Member
since 2000-05-27
Posts 21England, but moving to Sweden this year |
I really liked this poem a lot. I especially liked the possible duality of meaning to 'shadow men'. Not only being men in a shadow world whom people hardly notice, but being mere shadows of their former selves. How many times do we see these men and hurry on by? Not thinking about what drove them to that state? Thank you for making me think |
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