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Critical Analysis #1
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21st Century Extinction List
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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21st Century Extinction List |
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
Socio-economically challenged hands extended begging for a hand-out never knew an honest day of work begging and blaming the world for their lot in life, a direct result of that big chip on their shoulder and their own inaction. Advanced...society... where members bemoan the state of the world a lot of hot air that’s all, very few really care they won’t miss a meal, or a day out, to extend a helping hand to even those who are trying to help themselves. Modern man manipulates his woman ignores his offspring whines at the state of his life while waiting for someone else to come along and change it short-term relief for boredom in the seedier sites, like lonely alleyways, of a seedy town. 21st Century woman uses her appeal to win ultimately unimportant milestones forgetting the sisterhood’s struggle up from the bottom of the heap fully embracing the underwire which replaces what her mother once burned in open rebellion. A lost generation attentions span mere seconds cutting their teeth on the commercial world wearing banners that proclaim another, identities waived... Tommy, Nike, wherefore art thou? Lost in a cacophony of blasphemous screaming. Mother Earth raped and pillaged fighting back at last? Overcrowding, wars, and famine, biological mutations, wild windy tantrums, spewing fire and shaking foundations that threaten to over extend the green belts that once thrived. Disharmony, loud and jarring, all a result of mankind itself, not some unseen god-like vengeance, nature’s reaction to trouble-makers? Not unique extinction - an age old mechanism and far more effective than the nuisance it eliminates. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jana Tovey - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hello Jana, I really liked the theme in this poem and I loved the last couple of lines. Great ending. Some things that you might want to consider taking a closer look at are: "Socio-economically challenged hands extended begging for a hand-out" "Hands" and "hand-out" didn't seem to work together. Perhaps consider just having "begging" on that line. "begging and blaming" Only a few lines earlier did you use begging, consider changing begging to something else. Repetition is often effective but in this case, in my opinion, it didn't work. "Advanced...society..." I think this line would still work without the "...", you've already set the tone of the poem with the first stanza. "a lot of hot air that’s all," This seemed a little flat and "hot air" is kinda cliched. "to even those who are trying to help themselves" Consider chopping this part down a bit more, ie. "to those who/ try to help themselves." "while waiting for someone else to come along" Maybe "else" might be better on the line above so that it reads, "while waiting for someone else to come along" Just an idea. "in the seedier sites, like lonely alleyways, of a seedy town." Consider changing either "seedier" or "seedy" to something else to avoid repetition. "which replaces what her mother once burned in open rebellion." Maybe change "replaces" to "replaced". "cutting their teeth on the commercial world" Really liked those two lines. That's all I really have to offer for advice. It's there to do with as you see fit. I really liked the way you didn't paint a singular "bad-guy" but rather showed different perspectives, especially in the first two stanzas. Thanks for the read, take care, Trevor |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Jana really liked the last stanza. forrest |
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Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
I'd go along with trev up to the point where he says that you didn't paint a single bad guy. That was true ‘till we got to: "Disharmony, loud and jarring, all a result of mankind itself, not some unseen god-like vengeance, nature's reaction to trouble-makers? Not unique extinction - an age old mechanism and far more effective than the nuisance it eliminates." (Funny thing - i started this last night and ran outta time and now i see Forrest’s post .....lol.... I’m still going to say what i wanted to anyway ........) The last stanza kind of turned me off a bit .. i guess it's just a personal thing..lol .. but i don't go for the generally media exaggerated (IMHO) point of view that it's "obvious" that man-kind is some arch villain pillaging the earth and bringing natural retribution upon himself. It just kind of smacks of an over inflated sense of importance to me. You’re of course right when you imply that there have always been major natural disasters and extinctions and weird weather conditions and such .. so why man should think that a few funny weather patterns and a couple of millimetres on the sea level is anything to do with him i really don’t know ....... yeah yeah ..i know ... all the “scientific evidence” .. well when this is based on data from a few million years instead of a few hundred then i might start taking more notice of it...... meanwhile in case you’re wondering .. i DO recycle all our plastic, metal and paper and do run a car with a small engine and use unleaded fuel etc etc ...... inconsistent aren’t i?? ......... Guess the poem worked Jana ..it provoked me into a rant and some thinking .. both kinda rare for me.......  thanks philip [This message has been edited by Poertree (edited 06-05-2000).] |
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Gonzalo Junior Member
since 2000-04-08
Posts 44MI |
I really liked this. Like Trevor, I loved the ending. The only thing i didn't like is the author came across to me as condescending - maybe he/she thinks he/she's above it all. I think it would be interesting if you explored how pervasive and inescapable our cultural poison has become- and the frustration that imposes on those of us who are 'aware.' |
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Jana Tovey Member
since 2000-05-30
Posts 257USA |
Well, golly, Gonzalo - I don't wear an underwire bra!! Just kidding...yes, point well taken. I guess I was trying to achieve the bird's eye view, but failed. I was not pointing fingers at any one group - I'm glad everyone got that aspect of the poem. Thanks for all comments and advice. |
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