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the migration of the birds III
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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the migration of the birds III |
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rene Member
since 2000-04-24
Posts 113 |
Dipped you into my eyes and pulled you Into my hallucanegenic heart Will you remember my part? The coming night turned Summer cold We were born to die and so grew old How will we speak when we forget how to talk We were free before we could walk |
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| © Copyright 2000 rene - All Rights Reserved | |||
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
rene-- i found this one a little less satisfying than the previous two "migrations." the rhyming and line breaks seem uneven here (although you may have intended that?), and the second, third, and fifth groupings of lines bordered on cliche, i thought. on the other hand, "how will we speak when we forget how to talk" is as interesting and thought-provoking as any part of the three "migrations" you've posted here. ("the migration of the birds II" is still my favorite, though.) in the third line, correct spelling is "hallucinogenic." i like this series of poems. are there any more? the three here i think work nicely together, beginning/middle/end, birth/youth/adulthood, the constancy of change and cyclical nature of things, there are any number of ways to interpret them. very nice work here, fresh and original on the whole. thanks for an interesting read! jenni |
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rene Member
since 2000-04-24
Posts 113 |
thank you SO much. you cannot imagine the happiness i felt when i read, 'cyclic nature' in your reply. that is what its all about. thanks for the sppelling. yes the rhyme is meant to be stuttered, kind of like the surface of the earth- it looks round from space but at ground level it is bumpy and irregular. |
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doreen peri Member Elite
since 1999-05-25
Posts 3812Virginia |
the first stanza is really really effective, especially, "Dipped you into my eyes/ and pulled you" for me, this was the most powerful of the 3 pieces.... every word, stanza, well placed... succinct "How will we speak/when we forget/how to talk".... yes!! thanks for the trilogy, rene... i'm a little at a loss as to how they tie together, but will go back and read all three again and i'm sure i'll figure it out definitely, this last one feels like a resolution to something... even if it is the reality that whatever it is, didn't work  dp |
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
well! ^_^ I didn't see the connnection, i guess it takes a cetain angle of thinking, but u and jenni have explained it very well, thanx.. yeah, this one is not bad! ^_^ I love the first stanza, it is sure something!! ^_^ I must say though, there is not really a direct connection between stanzas, in this poem.. especially the first and second... this is probably the effect u wanted here, as u said it was meant to be "stuttered" just, not the sort of thing I usually like. It is well written though, and although not the usual style of poetry I like to read, a thoroughly enjoyable piece! ^_^ Lynne |
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