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Sharp
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Sharp |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
Crisp Events oft remembered Focused high definition Spiky new bought razor rusty nail pelting hail harsh angle piercing shriek tattered fingernail Starkly rough. ok, so i know its bad to post 2 at once, but these kinda go together. i wrote "soft" first, and did "sharp" to match. these are really different for me, so id love to know what y'all think. thanx!  luv Elyse Do I contradict myself? Very well then . . . . I contradict myself; I am large . . . . I contain multitudes. -Papa Walt |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Yeah, I see the same problem here. With such a minimalist approach, I think you've got to find the words that sound sharp rather than words just associated with sharp. The thing has got to leap up and bite me in order for this style to work. It's a tough goal you've set for yourself here. Brad |
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Hi Elyse I like the short imagist style of these poems as evokations of memory. A suggestion is to try and keep the clear image you are trying to evoke in mind and not divert from it eg 'oft remembered' seems innappropriate to me in the "Sharp" poem. I like the title "Soft" and its images, particularly pillow/ curtains billow. I'd remove one or two words like 'sugar,' the other images are clear enough without such an addition. But overall good work! -Tim |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
ok, yeah, i see that some of these words could be sharper. i hear ya on the remembering thing tim. ok, good stuff to think about luv Elyse Do I contradict myself? Very well then . . . . I contradict myself; I am large . . . . I contain multitudes. -Papa Walt |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Elyse, I echo Tim's words. I know these are difficult (I've tried with little success), but I think you are well on your way. It takes practice, I suppose, when one attempts a new form. I know with your talent that you'll be churning minimalist poems out in no time. Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
Hey Elyse don`t make those words to sharp you could puncture a lung or even worse a heart. Seriously I`am in awe of your talent. And look forward to anything you write. Your biggest fan forrest |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
awww, Kris said i had talent  and so did Forrest! my head is getting so big i think ill just rest it on my shoulder now.  i love you people Do I contradict myself? Very well then . . . . I contradict myself; I am large . . . . I contain multitudes. -Papa Walt |
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