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the truth in her words
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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the truth in her words |
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camellia New Member
since 2000-05-03
Posts 5 |
the ticket is in her purse, the suitcase in the hallway, she hesitates-- she looks around, wondering-- are these material things any part of my happiness? she fingers the intricate waterford vase, she was so thrilled to have gotten for christmas, five very long years ago. she runs her hand over the burled-cherry antique console radio, the wood still glassy smooth, so rich in color. but she's changed since she began to write, through words, examining the life she lived, she saw truth within her words, and she knows now what she must do. she picks up the suitcase, and walks out the door, her words, a neon image in her mind. camellia |
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| © Copyright 2000 camellia - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
cameilla I`m no criric but I sure liked your poeem . Thanks for sharing. forrest |
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bboog Member
since 2000-02-29
Posts 303Valencia, California |
Hi C~ I liked this poem and have a friend experiencing a similar situation. (Stay with somebody you don't like for financial security or walk out and brave the world on your own.) I wonder though, if you need to say these lines: are these material things any part of my happiness? A poetry teacher once challenged me to "show" rather than "tell" and I'll pass this same advice on to you in this poem. Perhaps you could delete those two lines and retitle the poem "Material Things" or "Leaving Material Things" or something to that effect? Another point is these lines: but she's changed since she began to write, through words, examining the life she lived I got to thinking, was it just her writing or perhaps something else? In other words, it seemed like something else was lacking? Not sure what, but here's an example. Let's suppose it is a combination of writing and his love of money. but she's changed since she began to write, he's changed too, always counting his pennies trading stocks day after day while she arranges words. Examining the life she's lived (Counting money seemed to go together with the "material things" but you get the idea.)Keep in mind, this is your poem, and feel free to toss my ideas out the window as well. best regards, bboog [This message has been edited by bboog (edited 05-04-2000).] |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Nice poem. I got the same literal meaning from the poem as Mr. Boog (if he doesn't mind me calling him that). However, I saw that perhaps there was a second metaphorical meaning or atleast the potential for a second meaning. I thought that in her self-exploration she had moved away from materialistic ideas she previously held. I thought this was nicely done because we get both the literal and metaphorical and they don't contrast (what I mean to say is that the metaphoric meaning could almost be literal--she walks out the door, leaving all of her things behind, the objects themselves--it never really says she's leaving a person, it could just be the idea) I might be trying to read too much into this one, I don't know. But if you do want to strengthen the the second "underlying" meaning, there is only one problem that I see. The suitcase(and to a lesser extent the ticket). She is taking some things with her. Perhaps if instead of the suitcase she takes a volume of poetry, or her journal and has the ticket tucked inside. I don't know. Just suggestions. I hope that my comments were in someway helpful. Kirk T Walker Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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