»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
life
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
life |
|
|
sheba57 Member
since 1999-06-27
Posts 64vincennes, in usa |
life blood, coursing through tubes; corpuscles spinning as arteries throb and veins pulse. this is life ..... molecular, dynamic - yet passe? white ghosts, squirming through tubes; fighting, racing toward the quest. only one will win out and breach the defenses of the mass this too is life ..... molecular, dynamic - not so passe. silvery strands sighing through tubes; passing in and out of the clusters. shallow, silent, finally still. this was life ..... molecular, dynamic - never passe. ~celtic rose - 2000~ |
||
| © Copyright 2000 sheba57 - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hey sheba! you have some really wonderfull things in here. i love "this is life..../molecular, dynamic" but i think maybe that calling it "passe" is trivializing it a little. i dont know what the last stanza is talking about, but thats ok, i like it best. in stanza 2, i wouldnt say they were "racing towards the quest" i dont think you can go towards a quest, you go ON one. mabe change it to something desireable. i think (and this IS just my opinion) that if you tweak that passe stuff, you'll have a strikingly strong poem. luv Elyse |
||
|
sheba57 Member
since 1999-06-27
Posts 64vincennes, in usa |
elyse, thanks so much for trying - you're on the right track. remember the title. sheba. |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
