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Gentle into Darkest Night
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Gentle into Darkest Night |
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Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
Gentle into darkest night love fades whisper floating dreams of tender hearts sacrificed to images mirrored back in human failures. On wings also flies my soul, my heart, my spirit and the ember of my life. I am now a hollow reed that waits another substance to fill my life again. There is music, my companion, the ocean womb of my birth and daily sustenance, there are my birds that soar me high when the earth becomes too close for air. There are all the mysteries of the universe that occupy the musings of my mind, but oh love none of these can compare with what you have given me, what my soul needs now to breathe the essence of pure love to live. I scratch out one single word that chokes among the prayers and tears... survive. Seems everything that gave me life has died and soon it follows so must I. You will never know how much you have become the better part of me. I waited through those winter nights but to glimpse a vision of new hope for i was slowly dying of the emptiness that now returns this night to visit. My life is a complexity of circles with no end that i have yet to understand. Now i see the ring of night that takes away your gentle touch and leaves again my lonely friend, an empty life of darkness. [This message has been edited by Diana B (edited 05-02-2000).] |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
I suppose you are familiar with Dylan Thomas's poem to his father, "Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night". If not--wow, what a coincidence. If so, I think you did a good job of making the connection but not overdoing it. Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
Yes, i am familiar with all of his work but don't see any connection at all with what i have written Could you please enlighten me a bit by being more specific? Thanks. |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Ok--here is the Dylan Thomas poem: Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night by Dylan Thomas Do not go gentle into that good night, Old age should burn and rave at close of day; Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Though wise men at their end know dark is right, Because their words had forked no lightning they Do not go gentle into that good night. Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight, And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way, Do not go gentle into that good night. Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay, Rage, rage against the dying of the light. And you, my father, there on the sad height, Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray. Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light. |
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Kirk T Walker Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 357Liberty, MO |
Now here is the comparison that I made: Thomas's poem is 10 syllables a line Your's varies, but you have some pretty long lines as well Both poems use dark night as an image I interpretted your poem to be about death, as is Thomas's is about death (see your poem lines: 6-8, 12-13, 19-22, 26, 31-33) In addition Dylan's plea to his father to hold on against the inevitable is not unlike the line: "among the prayers and tears... survive." Although it is the speaker who is struggling with death, it sort of still the same idea there. Anyway, those were the main things that stuck out for me. I hope you can now understand my reference more clearly. Kirk T Walker Disclaimer: The preceding statement is just my opinion. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
um....besides the words "gentle" and "night", i don't see any resemblance b/t this piece and dylan thomas'...am i missing something? this piece has a different theme altogether. perhaps the "survive" line here is similar in a sense, i guess. diana, i liked your poem, but i couldn't help thinking it could be tightened up somewhat? the speaker here is first flying ("on wings also flies my soul, my heart, / my spirit and the ember of my life"), then waiting like a hollow reed, then musing the mysteries of the universe, then scratching out a single word "survive", then waiting again (to glimpse a vision of new hope); it all seems a little scatter-shot, in my opinion, the heart- and soul-flying seems contradictory with "waiting" for new hope, and the contemplative musing seems contradictory with the scratching and choking to survive. i don't know, that's just how it strikes me. i like the the fading of love and return of emptiness with night tied into the idea of life as a complexity of circles with no end (i thought the first four and the last six lines were the best in the piece), but even that effect is lessened somewhat, in my opinion, by the apparent constants in the speaker's life (music, the ocean, birds, and the musings on the mysteries of the universe), and the rather linear quality of life leading on to death ("everything that gave me life has died and soon it follows so must I"). the only things that seem to be circling in and out, around and around are the night and, perhaps, the beloved and the speaker's emptiness. (at least, we know that emptiness is returning after a period of love.) i think the poem could maybe be a little more effective if you either elimated some of these seeming contradictions, or, alternatively, hit them harder and tied them together more. as it is, it reads to me (haha, i hear you say, so what?) like simply a succession of thoughts; i think the reader can go from line 4 ("mirrored back in human failures") directly to line 19 ("I scratch out one single word that chokes") without missing anything, really. you also might want to see if you could come up with some more interesting images here, such as in your first four lines and the "complexity of circles" bit; things like "you will never know how much you have become the better part of me," "i was slowly dying of the emptiness," and "an empty life of darkness" seem a little flat in comparison. anyway, just my opinion, something to think about. thanks for an interesting read. jenni |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
Gotta disagree Jenni. The first thing that popped into my head when I saw the title was Thomas. It's funny but as you read through this poem, there were a number of different echoes from famous poems and of songs. Diana, in many ways, these montage of images is your strength as a poet -- layer upon layer of references that create its own unique style. If one were to do the homework, I bet you could find an allusion for every line. This can enhance a poem whereby each line represents an entirely different sensation, thought, experience. It creates a powerful tapestry. My only suggestion would be that be tempered with a little more control -- in this sense, we agree Jenni. I usually write with a strong narrative line in my head but that's certainly not the only way to write a poem (I just think that the narrative style has been underused in the twentieth century). I reread "The Wasteland" yesterday so I'm guess I'm in the mood for this kind of stuff right now. Hey, does anybody else think that poem gets better the older you get? Diana, glad to see you posting again. Brad |
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camellia New Member
since 2000-05-03
Posts 5 |
this is a beautiful poem with tons of images. i loved the first four lines, but the whole poem is really very good. camellia |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
brad-- yes, you're right, when i first saw the title i, too, thought of dylan thomas. i wasn't saying it was not an allusion to thomas (although diana apparently doesn't seem to have intended it); rather, i was responding more to kirk's saying that this piece has "sort of ... the same idea" as thomas'. my point was that the speaker in thomas' poem is all about fight and struggle; the speaker in diana's poem here is all about waiting, and passive acceptance of loss and undesired events beyond the speaker's control and understanding (though there is, of course, a desire to have what was lost restored). if it is an allusion (which i guess it is, whether diana intended it or not, if at least three of us instantly thought of the thomas poem on reading the title and the first line), it is to bring to mind thomas' well-known poem as a CONTRAST...which was the point i was making, that this poem shares little in common with thomas'. can an allusion to a contrasting piece strengthen a poem? certainly. does it do so here? in my opinion, yes. ok, i'll shut up now, lol.  jenni |
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Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
Thank you all for your very interesting comments. I do appreciate and value them. You offer me a lot to think about. The Thomas thing...i was really very startled at first when it was mentioned and felt a little like i had made a poetic faux pas by my choice of titles...i love Thomas very much but that particular poem is not my favorite(i much prefer his earlyworks) and though we all know it by heart i'm sure, it never entered my head while i was writing this. But, i can now see how one could think of it from my title and first line. Sort of like someone who whistles a tune that sticks in your head. You know the funny thing is that from those words i would think of St. John's 'dark night of the soul' rather than Thomas' 'Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night' since theme of Thomas has nothing to do with what i wrote but dark night of the soul could be more closely identified with the emotions i was trying to express. What i'm saying is what you get from the title depends on what you have knowledge of and what your perspective is. "It's funny but as you read through this poem, there were a number of different echoes from famous poems and of songs" Ok now i'm wondering what this means in light of our tanka misunderstanding Brad...am i being paranoid.? First the Thomas reference and then this? I wrote this in about 10 minutes at 3am the other night and posted it immediately. Went back in a did a little cleaning up the next day and thought no more of it other than i liked the way it expressed the emotions i was feeling. Control...don't have much during the nights when i don't sleep and emotions are running high. Just wonder how much one should change that other than cleaning up the rough spots. You write in a very controlled and precise fashion and i dont mean that it lacks passion or emotion its just presented in a different form...more formatted. I explode in a whirling jumble of words that burst spontaneously straight from the soul unrestrained. We are very different. I am unpolished and uneducated. You are the opposite. Perhaps my writing is for people more like myself. I did post this at two other sites. Comments were more like how readers identified with the depth of passion and twists and turns of emotions in the piece. hmmm...just find that interesting. Well i always learn a lot whenever i post here and thank you all for taking time to comment. I will take it all to heart and learn something from it. Brad did you mean The Waste Land by T.S. Eliot? (One of my favorites!) [This message has been edited by Diana B (edited 05-04-2000).] |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
No, I don't think you are being paranoid. I worried about that reaction myself. I hope that you understand I do NOT mean it in the same way as the tanka tragedy. If we go back to the 'The Wasteland' (yeah, that one), Eliot constantly uses echoes,allusions, and references and indeed lines from different pieces of literature. It is a time honored technique and I see nothing wrong with that. I was trying to say that I liked that technique. But I think it's okay to be a little paranoid now and then though. Brad |
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Diana B Member
since 2000-03-10
Posts 97 |
Ok Brad,i got it. Thanks for clearing that up. (got heavy into reading and writing haiku and tanka and loved it btw. Sort of a butterfly experience flitter flutter everywhere touch, sip and drink then pirouette into a different space...quite lovely and refreshing) Yes, the technique of using references, allusions from other pieces lends both depth and richness to a piece in the hands of a master like Eliot. |
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