Verses On A Warm June Evening

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Kirk T Walker
Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 357
Liberty, MO

0 posted 2000-05-01 06:34 PM

Verses On A Warm June Evening
by Kirk T Walker

Fluorescent fairies of the night
Come shine your love light soft and low
As though the stars had sunk to earth,
And mystify us with your glow.

Fiery fairies of the eve
Fly destined paths as lovers will,
But caution, for if wooed or not
Love may lead thee to heartache still.

Fugitive fairies of the dark
Do not now let yourself be caught,
Or you’ll live life inside a jar
Far from the one for which you sought.

Elyse
Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC

1 posted 2000-05-01 07:48 PM

yeah Kirk! i love this. it makes me think of "a midsummer night's dream". only thing to think about, (and this is SO picky) you start everything in iambic feet, and your next two fairy modifiers are anapest(?) feet. and the meter of the last line is a little askew from the rest of the poem. but lovely, fine work, this.
luv Elyse

jbouder
Member Elite

since 1999-09-18

Posts 2534
Whole Sort Of Genl Mish Mash

2 posted 2000-05-01 08:52 PM

Kirk:

I can't remember if it was with one of your poems or not that reminded me of Blake but I get the Blake feel from reading your poem (that is a compliment, by the way).

  Whether Blake influences your writing or not, I really like this poem.

I especially enjoyed the way you've described your observations from different angles and it seems that you have done some interesting things with your meter (perhaps you are experimenting with sound and stress placement?).  Your rhyme scheme flows naturally and I don't even mind your use of "thee" in the second stanza.

If I there was something that I thought might be missing (and I have to stretch for this) I would say that the theme could be developed further.  The poem is relatively short and the stanzas could easily stand alone as poems in their own rights.  If there was something in this that you might want to improve, I think it would be your transitions from stanza to stanza.  Maybe build to your "fiery fairies" line (this line had the strongest beginning of all the others).  Begin with peaceful, end with the explosive.  Just a suggestion.

I really liked the poem, Kirk.  Glad to see you posting in here again.

Jim

P.S.  Elyse is starting to use words like "iambic feet" and "anapest" ... could it be she is bitten by the same bug of insanity that has bitten the rest of us?

Grace
Junior Member

since 2000-04-30

Posts 19

3 posted 2000-05-02 12:59 PM

I enjoyed your poem Kirk.
It reminded me
of sitting with a lost love under the stars on a warm summer evening many years ago. Your talent is beautiful.

Kirk T Walker
Member

since 2000-01-13

Posts 357
Liberty, MO

4 posted 2000-05-02 07:18 PM

Thank you all very much for taking the time to comment on my poem.

Since no one said so, I am going to point out that this poem is not about literal faries, but rather it is about fireflies aka lightning bugs.  These insects light up to send signals to female insects on the ground.  Kids around here (i don't know if they have them where you all live) catch them and put them in a jar.  Can you see this in my poem or is it too obscure?

Elyse:  I haven't read "a midsummer night's dream" but perhaps I will see the movie soon (although I'm sure I will be doing myself a serious injustice by not reading it instead).  Thank you for being picky, that's what I need to make my poetry better.  I am only moderately experienced at poety and I am sort of a "bare bones" ametuer (especially on the technical stuff) so I don't really get Iambic, etc.  yet.  BUt this summer I am going to stop being lazy and investigate the technical side a little more.  Thanks.

Jim:  Thanks for commenting, your comments are always very helpful and insightful.  And yes you have told me before that one of my poems was somewhat Blake-like.  Thank you 100x for the compliment of being compared to Blake.  I slipped on leaving "thee" in there.  I actually cut out the archaic language right before posting.  I am still considering putting it back in, but it's mostly just pronouns so I am not sure if it work well or not.

Grace:  Thank you very much for your compliments.  I am glad that you enjoyed my poem.

[This message has been edited by Kirk T Walker (edited 05-03-2000).]

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.