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Lip Print
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Lip Print |
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Joel the wolf Senior Member
since 2000-04-06
Posts 1333Angels Camp |
Lip Print You may think of me as silly, and it’s a little thing to most I keep the glass you drank from the last time you were here the last time we had a toast. I don’t clean it not in the least you see it has this lip print on the rim that does soothe this beast. I bring it out on special occasions that’s every night to me, I gently place ice in the bottom then pour our favorite wine carefully. Holding it up to the light to gaze upon your lip print so sensuous, and full my eyes brim then water, becoming a pool. I place my lips next to where yours had been inhaling the fragrance of your essence and sipping the wine, so slowly you’d think it a sin. Lighting a candle and listening to a favorite song, I rock my body with an unseen partner, where my white dove had been, now gone. Carefully placing it far to the back not to be misused, I’ll bring it out again when I feel my heart to be abused. Thinking of you softly not believing you have flown still holding my heart in hand for you to come home. Joel. I howl a mournful song, that echos within my chambered heart, for all to read? nay for all to feel. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Joel. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Tim Gouldthorp Member
since 2000-01-03
Posts 170 |
Joel, At the end of the first stanza consider 'when we had a toast' and the very last line, consider shortening it, maybe 'waiting for you to come home'? |
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tom Member
since 2000-01-26
Posts 90s/w penna u.s.a. |
Joel the wolf Clever poem,the idea is wonderful,most people become obsessed with a letter or something. The only problem I had was the wordiness as the poem gets into gear,it starts off slow and tight, then kinda rambles on in the last three stanzas.Made it hard for me to read,(like watching a grown man cry)taking away from the content. Just my opinion. tom sticks and stones may break my bones,only if you hit me. |
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WTVamp Junior Member
since 2000-05-01
Posts 18Salem, OR, US |
Great imagery and a wonderful premise. Lyrics are good, and a nice rythym, but could be cleaned up at some points. Overall, very entertaining |
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