this one i think needs a lot of help

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Critical Analysis #1

this one i think needs a lot of help

7
Member

since 2000-04-26

Posts 113
Amherst, MA, USA

0 posted 2000-04-28 11:53 PM

how close can we get?

why do I see the sign
“pull to open”
and yet I push?
it remains closed
resistance unfound
that rare sound
of a door opening against
my will
or the will created
by fear of that sign
“pull to open”

Craig
Member

since 1999-06-10

Posts 444

1 posted 2000-04-29 04:18 PM

Hello 7

I enjoyed reading this, the feeling of pushing when you should be pulling is a universal fear that hits most of us from time to time, as such it’s a fitting theme for a poem. You’ve gone for a short staccato style which gets across the feeling that these are just semi-random reflections of a person in a time of self doubt. I noticed the two rhymed lines in the middle and was struck by the thought that you could build on them to accentuate the door theme by using a rhyme scheme Dylan Thomas used in his poem ‘Prologue’. Thomas, at that time was moving away from the conventional poetry forms towards what was almost free verse. Though he still paid lip service to form by making the first and last lines rhyme and the second and second to last and so on until the rhyming met as a couplet at the center (abcd-ee-dcba). His poem is over 100 lines long so the scheme is almost lost but in your piece it would be more noticeable and add a nice finishing touch.

If that’s not to your liking how about wrapping your thoughts into couplet form, this is my interpretation of your poem, it’s not meant as a correction merely as an example.

I see the sign ‘pull to open’
and so I push but it stays closed.

Resistance found, such a rare sound
are doors that open at my will.

Or is it just my willingness
to fear those ‘pull to open’ signs.

As always I’ve saved my best piece of advice for the end

Don’t take my advice as being correct, it’s just my opinion after all.

Thank you for giving me the chance to read and reply.

Craig

Yes, I admit your general rule. That every poet is a fool:
But I myself may serve to show it. That every fool is not a poet.

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