»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
She's Gone
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
She's Gone |
|
|
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563
|
easy as chewin' a piece a gum, she walked in, and slid into a booth, ordered a Marguerita, on the rocks, gotta have salt, she said, in reply to the barmaid's question. she sat, lightly licked the rim of the glass, and sipped, all the while writing on a pad of paper, just watching people... and writing. when her glass was almost empty, she let her tongue slide all the way around the inside of the rim of the glass, then the outside, finally, she tipped it up, drinking the last sip. she smacked her lips together, gathered up her things, and slid on out, easy as chewin' a piece a gum. Kristine If you don't live life with passion, you don't live. |
||
| © Copyright 2000 warmhrt - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
Forrest Cain Member
since 2000-04-21
Posts 306Chas.,W.V. USA |
I liked the way this poem was written. I think it would benefit hugely if it had a little more emotional kick. I especialy liked your opening/closing sentence and the way you evoked sensation. Look forward to seing more. |
||
|
revolution Junior Member
since 2000-04-17
Posts 20atlanta, GA, USA |
mm.. i disagree about the emotional kick--i think this actually benefits from its dispassionate matter-of-factness. i think if it were mine i wouldn't have her writing... just drinking her drink, watching, being all mysterious as she is, and slipping out. i keep thinking this reminds me of a country-western song.. or a short story by viramontes... |
||
|
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Forrest, Thanks for reading, and for commenting. The opening line sets the tone for the poem, however ... kinda smoooth, with an air of mystery, as rev mentioned.  I sincerely appreciate your input, though...thanks again.  rev, You hit the nail on the head with the mood of the poem. I had her writing, because I imagined her as a poet...perhaps in a dry spell, looking for inspiration, and taking notes. My inspiration was my first ever Marguarita (not in a siuation such as this, though). A country song....yecchh!  Sorry, I dislike country music with a passion.Thanks, rev, for reading and commenting. Kris< !signature--> the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare [This message has been edited by warmhrt (edited 04-23-2000).] |
||
|
Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Sensuality - that's what this is all about. There is a surfeit of lip and mouth and tongue images, not to mention the smooth sliding that this lady is repeatedly doing. The writing reference is a distraction, a red herring; the poem is sensuous. "slid into a booth" ....... ~smile~ "gotta have salt" ..... certain amount of urgency here isn't there Kris? a phrase normally associated with nearly uncontrollable craving or desire? "barmaid's" ....... lol...(teasing!) "lightly licked the rim of the glass, and sipped" ...... verging on the obvious? "let her tongue slide all the way around the inside of the rim" ........ even more so! "then the outside, finally, she tipped it up, drinking the last sip" ........ i don't even dare comment  "her lips together" "and slid on out" ........ more sliding ! Oh well maybe it's just the mood I'm in, but i thought that this poem was fun and light. Enjoyed it a lot Kris .. Thanks Philip |
||
|
warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Philip..... All I can say is.....PHILIP!!!!!!!!! What are you talking about!???????? One Bewildered Poet named Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
||
|
Poertree Senior Member
since 1999-11-05
Posts 1359UK |
Kris ......and all i can say is "yeah yeah !!!" one (maybe) overly enthusiastic critic called Philip (but i don't think so ..ha ha ) |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
