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Sea of Irony
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Sea of Irony |
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hoppy Member
since 2000-01-27
Posts 271 |
Sea of Irony my heart's hanging open can't you see i'm bleeding on the floor losing my mind in a sea of irony the forgotten came back last night came back and i opened the door thought i'd have one last look thought it was her at my door i was wrong last night opening my door i seen nothing but shadows chanting of her vanity the darnkess grabed me wrenching me to the ground death had come to take me killing myself is what i found so i unlocked myself let it be free i lost my mind back there in a sea of irony ---Written by:Hoppy 2-12-00 "Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it." Henry David Thoreau Don't look... you might see. Don't listen... you might hear. Don't think... you might learn. Don't walk... you might stumble. Don't run... you might fall. Don't make a decision... you might be wrong. Don't live...you might die. |
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| © Copyright 2000 Hoppy - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Yu Lan Senior Member
since 2000-04-13
Posts 1462New Zealand |
Ok.. this is a nice poem.. Woaw, punctuation, man.. ^^ I really think this poem would make a LOT more sense, if u added a few capital letters and full stops in there somewhere ^_^ umm.. this is not a very.. flowing poem.. perhaps if you adjusted the length of a few of the lines.. it would 'run' better.. opening my door i seen <-- is this meant to be 'seen' for a reason? or just.. bad grammar.. hehe.. perhaps "saw" would be more fitting here.. ^_^ nothing but shadows (note.. plural..) chanting of her vanity (umm.. how does this connect to the previous line?? and.. this is talking about one thing.. not.. plural.. so.. doesn't quite fit.. ^_^) the darnkess grabed me (graBBed.. darKNess.. typos  )wrenching me to the ground (perhaps not wrenching.. umm.. try using a thesaurus..) death had come to take me killing myself is what i found (FOUND?? u found death? Umm.. to say this, you probably need to mention.. a way out or something.. or something you were looking for.. if death had come to take you, didn't death find YOU, not you, find death?? ^_^) One last thing, probably the only ironic thing about this poem, is that it really isn't about irony at all! ^_^ Well, I do like your last stanza though.. very nice.. well, a good beginning.. has potential, hoppy. ^_^ Don't mind me, none of this was meant to offend, just constructive criticism.. ^_^ Lynne [This message has been edited by Yu Lan (edited 04-19-2000).] |
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Karina New Member
since 2000-04-19
Posts 4 |
I found this to be very sad. I really hope it isn't true, but it sure seems like the writer is too depressed about losing someone. It has a lot of pain shown in the words. Karina |
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