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Critical Analysis #1

hurt and moving

Frank Bucciero
New Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 5

0 posted 2000-04-16 10:49 PM

I think i'm over you,
I already knew it was going to come from you,

Hey what could i do,
it was all you,

you expect me to wait around and be sad,
see you with a new guy and get mad,

I have found no point in getting mad,
It seems like breaking up aint really that bad,

In fact i'm kinda glad,
yeah i miss what we had,

But i think it's time i find some one new,
some one who'll treat me better than you,

why did i even waist my time with you,
The answer is there clearly,
its because i loved you,

But now I'm hurt,
and its time to move.

Frank Bucciero
New Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 5

1 posted 2000-04-16 11:05 PM

cool song!!

Elyse
Member

since 2000-04-16

Posts 414
Apex (think raleigh) NC

2 posted 2000-04-17 01:45 PM

hey Frank! I understand what you're tryin to put across here, but i just think you'd show a lot more passion if you chose more active or vivid words. like, instead of just sayin mad or glad, do something more specific like, irate or pissed, or joyous or exstatic or somethin. and lemme just say, i realize that would destroy your rhyme structure, and you'd have to totally rework, and that sux, but i really do think it'd be worth it. =)
luv Elyse

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